The Magic Whack

Instant Radio from Magicgadgets.com what I think...

2009-09-14T06:17:00.000-07:00

I've just been emailed details of a new product from a company I've never heard of. www.magicgadgets.com

It's called "Instant Radio" and it has to be one of the worst magical ideas I've ever heard of. You can go read their bold claims for yourself but here is my description of the effect:

The magician has someone draw a radio on a business card, they now hear a radio playing and think "wow he has got a small radio hidden in his pocket".

Or...

The magician takes any object and makes it look like it is playing music like a radio. The audience are amused at how he is able to secretly control a small radio that is hidden on his person.

No matter how you look at it - that is exactly what will happen. This is much like floating tricks that use thread where magicians fool themselves into thinking the audience is amazed and impressed at the magic when really they are just thinking "wow I can't see the thread" - it isn't magic.

When the method is the effect it isn't a trick. The only people this will fool is some magicians who will part with their hard earned wonga because they think having a really small radio is cool.

Maybe you could conceal one in the pocket of the satanic dish rag which would make it easy to toss two useless pieces of shit in the garbage at the same time.

MW.

Magic dish rag?

2009-09-14T04:13:00.000-07:00

Jeeebus! I finally got chance to catch up with two issues of reelmagic that were waiting for me when I got back from my recent tour. I always thought Regal was right on the money but on the latest issue he highly rates a magic dish cloth which is basically a devils hank.

He says you can leave it in your kitchen so when you got some friends round you can impress them.

How many times have you called all your fucking guests into your kitchen during a dinner party?

The whole idea is just a bit crap. Would have made an OK magazine piece at a push - "Hey Genii readers here's a gay idea, make a devils hank out of an old dish rag and then have a party and impress people by vanishing a small object inside it".

MW.

Twitter.

2009-04-12T05:08:00.000-07:00

I am still alive (much to the disgust of many I am sure). Blogging is old and I don't have time for it. Twitter however is short and sweet and doesn't take much time...

http://www.twitter.com/magicwhack

Big Blind Media

2008-07-13T03:33:00.000-07:00

I've seen a few DVD's by BBM. I think they are trying to be the next L&L and they are certainly heading in the right direction. Most of what they put out is shit and badly credited. Good start guys!

MW

Look like a retard for just $215

2007-12-03T12:10:00.000-08:00

It's the busy season for those of us who perform magic for a living so my posts will be a little sporadic over the next few weeks.

Any how... if you're looking for a gift for a magician friend then why not consider this "look like a retard on stage kit" for just $215/£109/$99999999 Canadian...

http://www.worldmagicshop.co.uk/exploding-stand-derek-rutt-p-3233.html - Watch the demo and you'll see what I mean.

MW.

Mix Tape by Alvo Stockman

2007-11-13T05:11:00.000-08:00

Here's a great way to waste $50.

Visit Penguinmagic.com and buy "Mix Tape"

The Effect: Next time you meet a friend for coffee, as a gesture of friendship, you bring along a CD you made for them of some music you thought theyd enjoy. As you give them the CD, you explain to your friend that listening to someones music is a great way to get to know them. Theres something deep and emotional about music that exists on a different level from plain conversation. You ask them what some of their favorite songs are, in an attempt to learn more about them. If you like those songs, youre going to love this CD, you say, pointing to the disc they're now holding.
The rest of the afternoon coffee is no different from any other. When they arrive home and play the CD, however, they realize that they will indeed love the songs on it. They're the exact same songs they mentioned to you earlier during coffee.

To be fair the concept sounds ok and if you are one of those magicians who doesn't do tricks for real audiences but instead just blows large wads of cash on shit from dealers so you can try to impress someone into being your friend then this may be for you.

OK let's look at what others have apparently said about this miracle...

"Mix Tape is the kind of magic people talk about and never forget. This is a high quality concept and effect that I will perform." - Paul Draper, Mentalist and Anthropologist

I'm sorry who are you? Paul someone? Clearly you don't work for real audiences either.

"I love Mix Tape. It combines three great elements - magic, music and a natural way of performing. I know that every time you perform Mix Tape you will feel like you're presenting someone with a very special gift. I've never come across a routine so natural and so strong. Use this and you will be the wonder worker they talk about long after you have left." - Luke Jermay, Mentalist

Ahh Luke 'I publish the shittiest, unusable ideas and brain farts I can think of' Jermay. Clearly he is only bigging this up because he is whoring out a bunch of 2nd rate videos on Penguin magic in their instant download section.

"Mix Tape is a perfect blend of magic and technology, with a sneaky method you (and your audience) would never suspect." - Joshua Jay aged 12

You would think the criteria for commenting on a trick would be that you are a magician and not a boy scout who happens to know a trick or two.

OK so the three comments from d-list magi don't impress, but that's OK because the dealer splurge continues with some information from the 'manufacturer'. I am not sure what they 'manufacture' since this is just a manuscript. Does doing some xeroxing at Kinkos and stapling some pages together count as manufacture? Probably not.

Manufacturer Says:
You wait. You wait a week if you have to. -Max Malini
Do you remember the scene in the film Oceans 11 when Andy Garcias character realizes that hes been watching a tape of his vault, and that his money is long gone? That moment, the moment you realize that something really big just happened under your nose, is a very special, juicy moment that you want to savor. You want to watch it over and over again.
Or the moment in The Thomas Crowne Affair when you realize that the stolen painting has been on the wall the entire time. Or the moment in countless movies where a last piece of a puzzle clicks and your new job becomes retracing your steps from the beginning. Except now you've got a big grin on your face because you know youve been had. It feels good.
As memorable and powerful as that experience is, its sadly absent from the world of instant-gratification-style modern magic. It takes a level of quiet confidence, and patience that doesnt translate well to television, stage or walk-around magic. This style fits into the category of lifestyle magic. You do it when youre having coffee, at dinner, at a meeting. You do it casually. You do it to bring magic into someones life. Youre giving them a first-hand experience of that Mission Impossible feeling theyve only seen in the movies. And its the seeds of your myth and legend as a performer of magic.
Mix Tape is an attempt to create this experience.

What a load of crap.

I'm not saying this is a totally terrible idea, and if it were given in the pages of a magic magazine or even a non-magic magazine like MUM or The Linking Ring, it would be accepted for what it is. But to run these off and pretend the idea is worth $50 of real money is just a joke. Especially as the method is given FREE to anyone who actually reads the dealer drivel carefully enough. And to pretend that the quote from Max Malini was even slightly about a trick as bad as this one is ridiculous.

Here's a gem of a line...

When performing Mix Tape, even in the unlikely event that you cant complete the effect, youve still given your friend a CD of music that you genuinely thought they'd like.

Great, so some of the time you won't get to finish the trick but if that happens it's ok because you still gave your friend a CD full of songs you thought they might have liked but were wrong. Well done you.

Here's an idea for you. Hand someone a regular, shuffled deck and tell them to think of any card, then tell them to think of any number. Tell them to take the deck home and count down to the number. They will discover the thought of card at the exact position.

To be fair 51 out of 52 times it won't work but that's ok because you 've given your friend a pack of cards which you genuinely thought they'd enjoy.

Hardly fucking magic is it?

The 'FAQ' for the trick sums it up. Apparently there is only one frequently asked question...

Q: Is there anything I need to have to perform Mix Tape?
A: Before meeting for coffee, a CD must be burned to give to your friend. You will need a laptop with a CD burner.

A laptop with a CD burner? Why not a desktop PC like I have at home already? Why would the computer have to portable? Hmmmm. Let's try this again...

Effect: You meet someone for coffee and hand them a CD. You say its got some tracks you think they will like. They begin to think you are gay and hitting on them. You casually interrogate them about the sort of music they like. At some point during coffee you go to the bathroom and take your big old laptop bag with you because you don't trust your friend to keep any eye on it. 20 minutes later you come back from the bathroom and apologise for being gone so long but you cover the fact by telling them you shat a yard of turd becasue you've been consitpated for a week. This flies by lay people because they know you are full of shit anyway.

As the longest meeting for a coffee drags on and on you find an opportunity to switch the cd's before making your excuses about having to go.

If your friend ever plays the cd you made in the stall they will be amazed that it has some tracks that you had questioned them about earlier.

$50 please.

In all seriousness... ask anyone (even a non-magician) to come up with a method for Mix Tape and they'd all consider having a laptop with you and making a disk. It is obvious. It is abismal.

MW.

Sometimes two people write about the same thing.

2007-11-13T04:56:00.000-08:00

Sometimes two bloggers write about the same thing. I don't want to be accused of ripping off anything so I'll give a shout out to this guy who wrote about the concealed shelf a couple of days before I did.

http://gordon.typepad.com/magic/2007/11/how-to-read-a-m.html

I saw the ghost shelf on hank lee and thought it was curious, I typed "invisble book shelf" into google and the third result down was this: http://www.boingboing.net/2006/05/06/invisible-bookshelf-.html and that linked to Umbra conceal shelf site.

Gordons site links to another that wrote about how to make an invisible shelf back in January and the post at boingboing was written in May.

I might be a rude cunt but my thoughts and posts here are my own views. I'm happy to give a shout to someone else who has written about this but for the fuckwitt who commented to the post - gordon's blog wasn't my "source". My source was Hank Lees hot list and a google search which took me about 90 seconds.

MW.

Ghostshelf exposed.

2007-11-11T13:47:00.001-08:00

You might have spotted this gem on Hank's so-called hot list.

http://www.hanklee.org/xcart/product.php?productid=9121&cat=0&page=1

$24.95 for a bookshelf you can't see. Sounds right up the street of most magicians, and it is as typically over priced as most things magicians waste their money on.

The sales pitch goes on and on about what it isn't...

GhostShelf is an all-new, innovative way to store your magic media.
Using the GhostShelf gimmick, you will be able to have your magic books or DVDs mysteriously suspended on the wall without any visible means of support. Not a magic trick, but rather a diabolical way to show off your magic.

Can you figure it out? If you cannot, don't worry. You are not the only one.

Here are a few more hints for you to keep in mind:

* No, it does not use glue.
* No, it does not use magnets.
* No, it does not hang on thread.
* No, it does not use electricity.
* No, we do not give you a gimmicked book.
* No, there are no 'blind-spots'
* No, the pictures aren't stooged.
* No, you cannot sit or stand on it.
* Yes, you can put a small goldfish bowl on it.
* Yes, it will last a lifetime.
* Yes, every book is your book
* Yes, you can use any books
* Yes, it is silent.
* Yes, it is very easy to install.
* Yes, it will dock on a glass wall.
* Yes, it works in any type of weather.

And, yes, it makes an incredible holiday gift for that special magician on your list! So, get two!

Wow.. whatever could it be? Maybe it's this 'concealed shelf' which is available from many 'non-magic' outlets and because its been sold to lay people it's half the price...

http://www.organize-it-online.com/itm_umbraconceal.html

Metal bracket, $12.99, magicians price $24.95

You just got to love how Hank fucks magicians hard in the ass over and over again. But then he is a magic dealer - that's his job!

MW.

Wesley James

2007-11-06T09:33:00.000-08:00

Wesley James was always well respected among other magicians. Then he released the Erdnase DVD's and showed the world what a dull performer and a total klutz he is.

What an ass.

MW.

P.S. There is a full review of the 7 DVD set at http://phantom-notebooks.blogspot.com - many excellent points and worth the read.

ReinCardNation

2007-11-01T16:35:00.001-07:00

Effect: A card is signed, one corner is torn off, you now fold the three-quarters of a card up and then unfold it again but pretend that you've actually ripped it up and fixed it. Finally you take the final piece and after a lot of fucking about you pretend to fix it back by rotating the card and palming a piece. Thankfully before anyone notices you've not done much magic you rip it all back up and vanish the bits.

Would probably fool prison inmates on crack.

MW.

Essential Stewart James

2007-10-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

I think it's great that Allan Slaight has put out the Essential Stewart James book. Now magicians can enjoy some half reasonable card magic without having to wade through thousands of pages of the ramblings of a mad man who just smoked some grade A smack.

MW

Effects by David Forrest

2007-10-14T12:43:00.000-07:00

When I say "Effects by" I use the word 'effects' very loosely. David Forrest seems to drop a turd into a ziploc baggie and magicians pass wads of dollars to him in exchange.

For example "Holes" is exactly what you would expect if you sent a couple of half-wit magicians off to a room with some cards with holes in and said "come up with a trick". But that's got nothing on his latest offering.

Route 1 claims to be a solution for card at any number. What you really get is ahalf-baked abortion of an idea involving two decks of cards. You show one and put it in your pocket (yep nothing suspect there) and then you fuck around with another deck for a bit and then you put that away (yes in your pocket) and bring out the 1st (?) deck again and amazingly the card they said while you assed around with the other deck is at the number they said.

It may be that Mr Forrest has come up with something good as well, he certainly seems to have a lot of tricks available, but I wouldn't waste real money on them based on whay I've seen.

MW.

Andrew Mayne

2007-10-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

I notice that Andrew Mayne is about to be the guest of honor on the magic cafe. I am sure like most of the guest chats we will learn some stunning stuff like the color of his underwear and his favorite cheese.

In a related story magic dealer Hank Lee has just taken delivery of a new batch of Andrew Mayne illusion kits, a photographer snapped a picture of the van unloading...

If you don't use the Magic Cafe but still want to ask Andrew a dumb question he can usually be found round the back of K-Mart performing tricks with old boxes and milk crates.

MW.

What if Mr Whack isn't my real name?

2007-10-08T07:18:00.000-07:00

It seems to bother one rather sad individual who clearly has no life that I post my name on here as "Mr Whack" because he suspects that Mr Whack isn't my real name.

Because of this, he keeps posting comments bitching and whining about it and complaining about the posts I write.

At the top of my blog in the "about me" section it's pretty damn clear that the things I post are my opinion and that you might not like it. It also makes it clear that if you're not a magician, you won't like the blog either.

If it really bothers you who I am then go back and read through all my posts since day one, I have purposely left MANY clues as to my true identity, and yes I am known enough in magic circles that just about anyone reading this would know me.

For those of you with a life, please continue to enjoy my fairly pointless whittering and rantings.

MW.

L&L Videos on demand.

2007-10-07T12:51:00.001-07:00

I notice that L&L publishing are now offering some of their magic videos as instant downloads through Grapeflix. This is great news for those who want to be disappointed at what they've wasted their money on right away rather than having to wait for the mailman.

MW.

Jeff Hobson Egg Bag.

2007-10-07T09:04:00.000-07:00

I am sure many of you have spotted this bargain. $149 for a modified Malini egg bag and a routine where you act like a donut stabber.

Here's the sales fluff:

The Hobson Egg Bag, the most entertaining Egg Bag routine in existence, is being made available in a strictly limited release.! Jeff Hobson, one of the world's premier comedy magicians, is finally releasing one of his pet routines, a routine which has entertained audiences all over the world! The Hobson Egg Bag is like no other routine. It will have your audience roaring with laughter, for sure!
The complete Hobson Egg Bag package includes:* Specially designed handmade Hobson Egg Bag* 2 specially-made eggs* Instructional DVD* Personally autographed Hobson photo card* Plus a bonus - Access to a private, password-protected web site for in-depth additional instruction, tips, advice, staging, the use of an assistant, and a live video of Jeff Hobson performing his famous Egg Bag! This professional additional instruction along is worth the price!

Admittedly Jeff has produced a nice variation on the Malini bag, the lining being a different color to the outside of the bag is a nice touch and the shorter cut to the bag looks good too, but unless your stage persona is that of a faggot gagging for some cock action I don't see that this is a good investment for anyone.

Jeff Hobson took the egg bag and made it his own, but surely that is what we as magicians are meant to do with ANY trick that we perform?

All this release will achieve is a bunch of copycat idiots who had $150 all dancing about with an egg bag telling their audience "it's the whooosh that does it" - another nail in the coffin of good magic performance I reckon.

Thank fuck this is a limited availability item.

MW.

Dixie Dooley - What an ass.

2007-10-02T03:31:00.000-07:00

It's getting close to October the 31st, the date that many magicians put on piss poor spook shows and fool themselves more than they fool their audience. And now thanks to those fun loving rip-off merchants at Pengiun magic you can buy a DVD that teaches you how to hold a sceance and convince people the dead really can communicate with the living!

http://www.penguinmagic.com/product.php?ID=918

Imagine how convinced someone will be that the dead can speak to the living when you perform "the haunted deck". Please give me a fucking break! It's a card trick and dressing up like a vampire and going "ooooohhhhhhh" isn't going to make the trick convince people it's the dead moving the cards. I am sure ghosts have nothing better to do than to find your chosen card at Halloween or to make a key turn over.

Oh but it gets better... Dixie dafooley also teaches you how to do the most convincing demonstration of spiritualism ever... "The Zombie floating ball". Holy fuck how will your audience sleep after seeing such overwhelming evidence of ghosts and spirts? A ball floated about while the man just held a large square of cloth! Someone call James Randi and claim the million bucks, he won't be able to dispute that one in a hurry.

If you want to do a spiritual demonstration then just do scotch and soda, a hankie vanish and a find a card trick and the whole time make noises like "ohhhh the ghosties are doing it" - it would be no less convincing than the shit Dixie Dooley is cashing in on with his DVD.

MW.

MagicWhack Returns October 2007.

2007-08-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

MagicWhack Returns October 2007.

Watch this Space!

(and please comment on this post... I want to know if anyone still checks this blog!)

Fancy a pot of jam?

2006-11-20T13:13:00.000-08:00

I was at a friends house last night and he's just got hold of one of the latest offerings from england. Some jumped up little shit called James Brown who has a dvd out called "Still fancy a pot of jam."

I think there was some complaints about this guy on the gay cafe a little while ago but they still put out his dvd which contains lots of unoriginal magic. I am totally puzzled as to why this dvd has been put out.

Oh and the production quality is as good as the material taught - fucking shit.

I'm sure Mr Brown is a good entertainer and gets away with all sorts of shit but he's got nothing new or original to offer magicians.

MW.

Moving Violation by Sankey

2006-11-12T08:08:00.000-08:00

I see Sankeys put out another trick with a hole. Not a shock since he sticks out half a dozen pieces of stinky shit onto the market every week.

I watched the demo, it looks hokey as fuck.

The best bit are the made up customer comments. You can tell they're made up. Thommy R claims "My girlfriend came home an hour after I started playing with it" - OK I presume the trick because it's unlikely she'd be floored by your complusive masturbation. But surely no one believes that any guy using Sankey products actually has a girlfriend?

MW.

Nothing by Max Maven.

2006-11-12T08:03:00.000-08:00

If you're a mentalist and you can't work out how to put a show together using nothing but a few dollars worth of paper/pens/etc from Walmart then you deserve to have to waste $100 on learning how.

Of course if that's your profile then you won't be able to do any of Max's material because it needs some presentation skills so maybe it's best you always carry your tenyo mental epic and your case full of proppy shit by Becker and Earle.

MW.

The Prestige.

2006-11-10T23:00:00.000-08:00

Found time in my busy schedule to go see "The Prestige."

I enjoyed it. It's historically inaccurate, you get to see a man squash a bird and Ricky "must be fucking desperate for work" Jay is in it.

Lots of magicians are complaining about the movie - get over it, if they'd made it more about magic no fucker would've wanted to go see it.

MW

Warp One by David Jenkins.

2006-09-28T16:46:00.000-07:00

Here's another Paul Harris product. Since that fucker came back to magic he's plonked some right god awful shit on the world of magic. Things like "Magic Shadow with a hole made by a lense that's about as practical as almost any other paul harris effect".

Anyhoo...

David Jenkins has taken Roy Waltons excellent card warp, taken away the cover card so its a one card trick covered by his fingers and now has a trick where the method is obvious as fuck.

Talk about a step backward.

"Hey everyone i got a ripped card - look". Jenkins you're a fucking twat.

MW.

No blog posts in ten days...

2006-08-17T13:21:00.000-07:00

Yeah so I've not posted in almost ten days. Not because I've been too busy, but because theres fuck all happening in the magic world worth talking about.

I have now seen a performance of "Come Fly With Me" by Mark Mason (www.jbtv.co.uk). Yes it looks great - but to a lay person it's still just coins going across. So my original comments stand - why waste that much money on a bunch of gaffus to achieve the same effect (as far as a lay person is concerned) that you can do with four ungaffed coins or poker chips?

I don't like much that Lee Asher puts out but his Three Stylin' poker chip 3-fly is a nice handling that makes sense and its cheap. It's certainly better than any of those manuscripts that had rude and shocking titles. I really dislike people who use smut for effect, they're cunts.

MW.

The Black Widow

2006-08-08T02:09:00.000-07:00

Right off the bat let me say I don't have one of these nor would I consider buying one even though some of the stuff in the video demo looks ok.

If you don't know what I'm talking about then check out this link to Darryl Hamburgervans Black Widow.

As always the ad copy makes some big claims and in this instance some really fucking stupid ones. The opening line of the sales pitch is:

"Sadly, the Black Widow will make large chunks of sleight of hand obsolete."

Surely that should read "Sadly, the Black Widow will make lazy magicians with $250 in their pocket even more lazy than they are now".

If you need a $250 gizmo to vanish and change objects, which are fundamentals of our art then you really shouldn't call yourself a magician.

Also notice that most of the advert bangs on about how it impressed magicians. And that's a key here. To a lay person the black widow user just made something vanish/change, it's the same trick to them as if he'd done it with sleight of hand, the only difference is the black widow guy had LONG SLEEVES and most decent sleight of hand workers roll em back and mind fuck their audience.

MW.

Seperated at Birth.

2006-08-07T07:06:00.000-07:00

A cunt...

Criss Angel...

Another pointless magic product.

2006-08-06T06:44:00.000-07:00

What the world of magic needs is another book test right?

Well for $55 you can buy this piece of shit... The Cousin of all book tests

Yep, even the name isn't original.

Effect: Similar to Max Maven’s Autome, but using a different book and offering 6 different force phrases, rather than one. Several spectators randomly pick numbers from 1- 400, the number of pages in this book.
Another spectator SECRETLY mentally chooses one of those pages and opens to that page, silently reading the first sentences on the page. (Note, we offer a different procedure than Autome to make this work, and we suggest you invest in Max maven’s DVD to find out the clean elegant method HE uses- along with the original book used.)

Why solve a problem that never existed? In reality this should read:

Effect: Exactly like Autome but with a different book. We use a different way of switching out the numbers that the original, but the original Max Maven version is better and you should buy the DVD that has the original on it.

The DVD that has Autome on it costs about $35 and you can probably get it for $25 - $30 if you shop about. That DVD also contains some other really great mentalism. Autome is done using a regular paperback novel which will set you back a few bucks if you buy it new and a lot less if you grab a used copy.

All that this cousin of a goat buggerer book does is offer six different outcomes "in case of a repeat booking". But as Max Maven points out there are other books you can use with other results and a quick search on the web will find posts where people outline different books with the relevant page numbers. In fact I have used Autome a number of times and I have three different books that it works with, all of which were purchased used but in mint condition for less than $2 each.

But wait the cousin of all book tests also has a peek system built in (probably flashback by the sound of the description). So their key selling point is that they've taken two ideas of someone elses and built them into one book which costs $55.

It's not even good value.

Larry Becker's Ultimate flashback is a set of five different books and a dictionary (all included) with multiple methods/effects built in and you can get it for $70 - only $15 more than this piece of garbage.

Why do people even bother marketing shit like this? Oh yeah, because magicians are suckers.

MW.

Dipshit II

2006-08-06T06:31:00.000-07:00

My old friend Mr Anonymous is getting upset. He's apparently posted apologies and confessions that he's a right wierdo but to be fair - those two comments aren't really by him.

The problem with being anonymous is that anyone can do it, as I've proved. If you're going to be smart about it you create a unique persona and nick name and use that.

Anyway he's now getting mad that I've put two comments up that aren't really him and he continue to pretend that the issue is with my spelling and grammar and while he persists in pretending that's the arguement I'll delete comments the little dipshit makes.

Fact: He said I never reviewed or commented on things I liked.

Fact: He's wrong, there are posts where I write about things I like.

Fact: I pointed out that he hadn't read all my blog and had jumped to a conclusion (at the time you only had to go back a few posts to find a positive review).

Fact: He didn't like that he had proved himself to be a liar and a twat and then began picking on spelling and grammar.

Fact: I don't a flying fuck about grammar or spelling. I don't complain if people spell things wrong or use bad grammar. This site is not meant to be a fine example of the English language.

Private messages on the magic cafe.

2006-08-05T05:43:00.000-07:00

Why does Steve Brooks find it necessary to blast out broadcast private messages to users of the cafe that are not at all of interest to most of us?

The last two being;

Posted: Thu, Aug 3rd, 2006 - 8:29 PM (EST)

Born to Marcy and Mad Jake - our new baby girl 551 AM EDT, Monday July 31st, 2006 AD Samara Jean Paige 6lbs 5 ozs 19.5 Inches

and;

Posted: Fri, Aug 4th, 2006 - 1:02 AM (EST)

Café member Jim Davis informs me that just before 7:00 P.M. this evening; Joshua Gene Edwin Davis was introduced to this world in the glorious micacle of birth. He is 7 lbs, 13 oz; and 21 inches long. Blue eyed, and red headed! He was born with his hand next to his head, so he was either trying to hide from us, or wave hello. I tend to believe the latter! Mother (Cynthia) and baby Josh are doing great! Congratulations Jim!

I urge you, if you get messages like these, click on the "report this pm" and complain that is has nothing to do with magic. If Mr Brooks really insists on births being broadcast then he should also fill us in on all the cot deaths, still births and abortions to keep the balance. Maybe if we all request it we could soon be getting PM's like this...

Posted 4th August 2006 - 2:02am.

Not that most of you give a shit but Cafe member Arce Wipe informs me that just before 6pm this evening his wife had a miscarriage. They are calling it splat. Splat was reddish brown and blue, about 6lbs and 20 inches long. Arce and his wife say they may use it as a draft excluder.
Love Brooksy.

Or...

Posted 4th August, blah, blah.

Cafe member Ivor Tiddler and his wife Dippy, have just had a baby. He weighed in at 6lbs 7oz, has red hair, blue eyes and downs syndrome. They have named him Spazzo the Clown.

We can hope eh?

MW.

Dipshit.

2006-08-05T04:55:00.000-07:00

There's some twat who goes by the genius name of 'anonymous' who has chosen to comment a few times to a recent post. He accused me of only posting about things I hate. He obviously hadn't read many posts which have been about things I like and in fact have raved about.

Now he's decided I have litracy issues or something.

Basically what he's done is taken issue with something, been proved wrong and then fires back with a totally different arguement. What he doesn't seem to get is he's still fucking wrong.

Go read the comments on the post before this one and see for yourself.

MW.

Happy Hour

2006-07-29T04:57:00.000-07:00

Go to www.jbtv.co.uk and in the search box type "happy hour". It will return one result.

Now go watch the demo video and then someone please tell me - why the fuck is this for sale?

Pumping out shit into the magic marketplace is what its all about these days. With dozens of new sub-standard shitty ideas being thrust upon magicians on a weekly basis. All the inventor (and I use the term 'inventor' loosely) has done is take an old force idea and applied it to a bottle of drink.

And what genius patter they suggest. "The magician asks if anyone in the audience is getting thirsty..." The audience replies "no just fucking bored you dull cunt, quit doing shit tricks you bought from a shop and entertain us for a change".

So here's how to make cash in magic. Look up any old principle, maybe a force from tarbell with cards. Now instead of using playing cards use cards that have names of different vibrators and dildos on them. Write a patter theme along the lines of... "the magician asks if any of the women in the audience are getting horny". You can show the different names, the jessica rabbit, the 8inch real feel, the black mamba, kingdong, etc. You have a young lady pick one of the cards, and she's chosen the "12inch super thick vibrating super dong", you have her open the paper bag thats been on stage the whole time and sure enough that is what sex toy is inside.

If you don't like the sex toy idea then maybe you could show different brands of tampon. Package it up and sell it for $40. Making magic is easy! Get on the band waggon and cash in!

MW.

Just what we need - another really expensive 3-fly trick.

2006-07-24T08:12:00.000-07:00

First it was Bob 'sell ya mt grandmammy fer fifty bucks' Kohler who chonked out an apparently "ultimate" version of 3-fly with a hefty price tag, and now it's the turn of English magician Mark Mason with a routine called "Come fly with me" which is going to sell for a bargain $375.

Marks special set of coins aren't available until the end of this month but there's a teaser video on his site which unfortunatly doesn't give even the slightest clue about how good this routine looks.

But even if it looks great, why do we need another fucking 3-fly?

More to the point why do we need more over-priced gaffed coins to achieve an effect that can be done with 4 coins and no gimmicks anyway? Sure the gaffless version might not be quite as perfect but to a lay audience it's the same fucking trick.

Surely this is just $375 of magician pleaser gaffus?

I'll be at FISM, so when I've seen it in action I'll tell you what I think.

MW

Party time chop cup!

2006-07-10T06:18:00.000-07:00

Yes summer is here so someone thought "a spun aluminium or copper cup looks out of place at a party" and decided what we needed is a tumbler like the kind you use at a party. Here's what old Hank beardlikejesus Lee says about it...

Nothing says “Summer” like the Party Time Chop Cup Tumbler. It’s a real plastic
tumbler nicely made into a Chop Cup. Great for the strolling magi. This
custom-quality prop blends perfectly with backyard barbeques, picnics, outdoor
parties and other informal settings where your audience might think another type
of Chop Cup looks out of place.Comes with two 3/4" crochet balls. [LINK]

What a great idea - and no one will care that NONE of the other tumbers at the party look like the green shitty cup you've plucked out of your pocket will they? And in a stunning display of genius they've included regular red crochet balls just like the ones everyone has laying about their house.

$forty-fucking-five bucks. Watch the suckers get in line and snap them up.

MW.

Redemption.

2006-06-28T15:48:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the guy who emailed me about this...

http://www.flashmagic.co.uk/html/pdf.html

It's a trick where a coin penetrates an empty beer or soda can. I haven't bought it - for $14 I can get 6 minutes of quality phone sex.

But I got to ask - why?

For a little more money you can make a coin penetrate a sealed soda can with no gimmicks to make and it can be done impromptu - Quarter Through Soda Can.

So sure, Redemption is half the price - but it's also half the effect.

MW.

Box of old crap $400

2006-06-28T15:44:00.000-07:00

Bargain!

Box of old crap $398.

MW.

Kenton Knepper's magic officially stinks...

2006-06-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

Here's the proof that Kentons magic stinks....

"I am blindfolded but I smell onions, what? you were thinking of apples? Ohh well I was only off by one"

30 pages for $25, even the price stinks up the place.

MW.

Exit by Peter Eggink

2006-06-24T04:27:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or does anyone else think that Peter Eggstinks latest trick "Exit" is obvious as fuck? I just watched a video demo of him doing it and couldn't believe the trick is being sold for actual money.

Here's a demo http://www.petereggink.com/bodyexit.html

I think the dealer blurb should read: "Exit", stinks like a turd, worth $5 - yours for $50

MW.

Educating Archer DVD

2006-06-24T02:58:00.000-07:00

I picked up a copy of "Educating Archer", a two DVD set of comedy mentalist John Archer. I wondered how good it would be since it was $44 and the contents list seemed to feature some pretty standard stuff.

I have to say that its turned out to be the best magic DVD I have seen in a long time and is worth every last cent.

It also helps answer Chris Mitchell's (the $220 rip off on a stick man who admits he's simply cashing in) question about what price you put on a routine. John Archers handing of the tossed out deck is on this DVD along with ten other superb pieces. Which means it cost me $4.40 for a full, professional routine. I reckon that's far better value.

The DVD's don't have the best production value in the world, they look like they were filmed in a church hall and the interview section just comes across as two fat guys and a chipmunk having a chat and trying to be funny. But that's my only complaint - the content is great and contains full routines.

The best routines are probably the tossed out deck, the magic square (although the performance is made mainly by Johns individual style), collard, Spelling test and Chinese choice.

Here's a link to more info: http://www.elmwoodmagic.com/?nd=full&key=3639

Nine full routines, one cute ring vanish all for $44 - Chris Mitchell will be turning in his grave.

MW.

Chris Mitchell (the tossed out deck on a stick guy).

2006-06-17T05:35:00.000-07:00

Chris Michell the guy who bought you "old trick on a stick for $200+" left a comment on a recent post of mine. Here's what he said...

Dear mr whack,

I'm curious to know if you have actually seen the product you are reviewing or the routine that is included. I'm new to the business of marketing magic, but I do know that's how a review works.I agree that it's not cheap. It's difficult to put a price on a routine that I've been performing for 15 years.

There are several effects on the market that have a higher price tag due to the fact that you are buying the rights to do the full routine. Do you think Kevin James Bowl-A-Rama is worth $750? I think it's worth every penny.

There's a market for full magic routines out there and I have no problem cashing in on it.

That's show business.

Chris Mitchell

So not to disappoint I'm happy to answer his questions...

1) Have I seen the product?
No. Nowhere did I say in that post that I did, nor did I claim my post was a 'review'. Most of what gets posted here is my opinion and if I do claim something as a review then I have seen it or bought it. If you want me to review it, scan the instructions and email them to me, I don't need to see the pole or the bucket and I know what a tossed out deck is.

2) It's difficult to put a price on a routine...
I don't think it is. How about $3.24? If you can't get enough paid gigs from your 'professional' routines and have to resort to whoring out old tricks that aren't yours with nothing more than a presentation - the routine can't be that good. But that is just my opinion, as I said I've not seen the routine.

3) Is James Bowl-A-Rama is worth $750?
Probably. But that's comparing apples to oranges. Is the tossed out deck worth $200? Probably not since it was published in manuscripts that cost a few bucks.

4) There's a market for full magic routines out there.
Yes there is, I agree with you totally. So why not just publish a manuscript called "Chris Mitchells professional routine for the tossed out deck" instead of pretending that this is something super-new? Maybe because you'd not sell as many? Perhaps because people would ask "who in the blue hell is Chris Mitchell?"

5) I have no problem cashing in on it. Thanks for pointing out the fucking obvious. I'm really looking forward to some other releases from you. What other Al Koran ideas could be stuck on a long stick?

6) That's show business. No it isn't - that's the magic business. It's in a sorry ass state isn't it?

MW.

Congratulations to "intenselymagic"

2006-06-15T13:21:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to IntenselyMagic Blog, and MagicForge who have both noticed I am back from the dead and have posted on their blogs about it.

Both have been added to the blog roll. Check out their blogs, they are both good stuff.

Now who else has noticed I'm back?

MW.

P.S. This post was edited after MagicForge pointed out that they had given me a shout out too and I'd said Intensely were the first. I don't wanna fight over it! Thanks to both you guys.

Steve Fearson just went up in my estimation.

2006-06-14T13:41:00.000-07:00

I've slammed Mr Fearson in the past, but now I have a new respect for the guy. For once he's using his downloadmagic.com web site to sell something of value. For just $49.95 you can have a drop of water that David Blaine peed in and stuff. That's a fuck site better value than the electronic downloads he whores out.

http://downloadmagic.com/water

Check out what Dick Kaufmann and others say on the Genii forum about this. http://geniimagazine.com/forum/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=1&amp;t=002384#000017

MW.

What a terrible idea for a magic trick...

2006-06-09T02:41:00.000-07:00

I was looking down the box of sewage that Hank calls "the hot list" and came across this gem...

http://www.hanklee.org/xcart/customer/product.php?productid=8258&cat=&amp;page=6

It's a trick called "Mental Parano". Let's take a peek at the effect description:

A spectator names any card in the deck (for example, the Queen of Clubs). You call attention to a folded piece of paper secured with a rubber band around the deck of cards. It is your prediction.
The selected card is found, removed from the deck and placed face up on the table. The deck is returned to the box and you unfold the note and have the spectator read it aloud: "Your card is the Queen of Clubs!" Amazing!
Comes complete with gimmicked Bicycle Deck and full instructions. Self working, but oh, so powerful.

Now will someone please tell me why, other than because "it's part of the method" would you need to take the cards out and remove the named card? Are your audience that fucking retarded that they don't know what a queen of clubs is? Did you pick a dribbling brain dead wazzo from the audience and you need to double check the card with him? Or is it more likely that the magician is so stupid that when a spectator names a card the magician needs to confirm it by seeing the actual card for himself?

The trick makes no sense. Surely if you show a piece of paper banded to a card box and say "name a card", even if you've not told them it's a prediction they're going to get ahead of you anyway. If you had really predicted the card why fuck about going through the deck and finding the one they name? Surely you'd just whip the piece of paper open, show they you got it right, unzip your pants and wait for them to suck your magic meat stick?

To make matters worse it needs a special deck and it's $45. If you're going to use a special deck to prove you predicted a merely thought of card, save yourself some money and simply buy an invisible deck which will only set you back $10 or so.

MW.

Russian Roulette was never a sad game with some cups.

2006-06-07T00:50:00.000-07:00

My thoughts on the "Russian Roulette DVD" that's just come out...

So Eric James and Alan Nooneseverheardofme have got together to crank out a cheapo version of the "big nail under a styrofoam cup trick".

Penguin magic have a demo on their site...

http://www.penguinmagic.com/product.php?ID=1402

A number of things annoy me about this. First of all, Russian roulette is played with a fucking gun. It is not played by slamming your hand on some paper cups and trying to dodge the pointy thing.

Secondly this super "I'm so broke I use beer mats and shit" might look like everyday objects but it also leaves people thinking "well he just marked one of them mats" or "he just bent of them". I'm not saying that's how it works, I've not seen the dvd and nor do I plan to - but that probably is the method and anyone with half a brain will guess that.

Remember it doesn't matter if thats not the method, if someone thinks it is because the possibility was not ruled out, they go away with a way it could have been done and to them - it's not magic.

And finally...

(Other "safe" methods are taught where there is no need for a nail or any dangerous item)

Well why the fuck bother? The only reason this trick is vaguely entertaining to people too dumb to guess the method is that there is apparently the slight risk that Eric James might actually stab his hand and the little shit actually gets what he deserves. And lets face it - it probably wouldn't be the first time he'd had a prick in his hand would it?

MW.

WTF? Stick a $10 trick on a stick and get over $200

2006-06-05T12:59:00.000-07:00

Q: What do you get if you take an old Koran trick and shove it on a pole?

A: $225

Hank Lee has been stiffed on this one. He's got some big exclusive, in fact he rants...

We are very pleased that Chris has given us the exclusive on the Long Distance Card Trick, which means you will find it here and nowhere else!

Then you read the ad copy for it...

Chris Mitchell is one of the most clever magicians on the scene today. We are very excited to be able to bring you this fine item directly from Chris' professional act.
A deck of cards bound with a rubber band, is shown to the audience.
Place the deck in a bucket dangling at the end of a four foot pole.
The laughter starts as the pole surprisingly extends 15 feet into the audience. Four spectators, at various locations in the audience, each peak at their own card. Without looking at the deck, you are able to psychically and comedically name each persons card.
This is a fabulous routine. Strong magic. Unbelievably funny.
Comes with everything you need, including Chris' full routine.

I tell you what - Chris really is clever, he's sold Hank a tossed out deck on an extending pole. How is this worth $225?

Magic Shoelaces - whoooooooo

2006-06-04T04:40:00.000-07:00

Magic dealers are reporting they are selling out of tricks like the "magic tie up me laces it's spooky trick" as a result of David Blaines special in which he wasted 2 hours of every TV viewers life only to fail at the end. Give me a TV show and at the end I'll magically make world peace happen and end all poverty - at least I'll claim to do that and all I'll actually do is give a street bum five bucks and say "well I failed but I tried."

Anyway back to my point...

How sad is it that all young magicians (and some old cockchompers) want to do is tricks they saw the Blaine man do on TV. When I go out and perform I tend to show my audiences amazing shit they not seen anyone do before. Maybe that's why I make a living out of it where as Penguin magic shoppers are just jumped up little asswipes who blow their allowance on that shit and show it to their gran.

Keep it original!

MW.

Stealth Assassin.

2006-06-03T06:26:00.000-07:00

I just got one of these http://www.hanklee.org/xcart/customer/product.php?productid=8175&cat=&page=1, it's the stealth assassin wallet which is created by Peter Nardi who I think is British.

Luckily I didn't rely on the demo video on Hanks site to sell the idea to me, because that video is just Peter Nardi and some goon no one has ever heard of making a dubious exchange in a parking lot.

Although the gay sounding name might put you off the wallet itself is incredible and because I'm using this as my regular wallet I've got an extra 15 - 20 minutes material on my person, always ready to go.

What I do find amusing is the dealer ad copy...

When Peter Nardi created Mind Spy and Stealth he had a very special wallet made for himself. The Stealth Assassin.

Don't you read that and think "what a cunt?"

He put out two other wallets and created that one at the same time but held it back for himself and sold magicians the substandard ones that didn't do half what this one does, knowing full well that in three years time he could butt fuck magicians for another $175.

But that aside, its a great wallet, it comes with two DVD's full of ideas so even those of you who can't think for yourselves will find a use for it.

MW.

Damn is it almost a year since I died?

2006-06-02T12:03:00.000-07:00

Time fuckin' flies don't it?

MW.

Gone and soon forgotten.

2005-06-26T15:21:00.000-07:00

I Magician

2005-06-24T01:32:00.000-07:00

I occasionally check out Andster's blog at www.andster.com. For those that don't know him he's the guy that plastered the magic mafia blog with pictures of cocks and hard core porn right before it got shut down (although I doubt the two incidents are linked).

Anyway, his blog which is titled 'I Magician' on rare occasions mentions magic and the rest of the time talks about his attempts at getting pussy.

In his most recent post he finishes with...

So in short, I haven’t blown off Sherry. I think she’s blown me off.

It just annoys me that he didn't give us the gory details about when she blew him off - did she spit, swallow or gargle?

MW

MagicWhack backs the Bish

2005-06-23T17:26:00.000-07:00

OK, here's a first. I am backing the bish of magic Glen "fuck me I'm a hot son of a bitch and praise jesssssussssss" Bishop on this one.

The Bingaling of magic (Euan Bingbong) has finally lost his marbles and has nothing to say so he keeps bashing the same people over and over for no good reason.

So what if the Bish wants to offer a prize and run a contest? Whether his prize is worth a shit is not relevant really - why critize the guy for offering a contest? He's not even the one that decides the winner.

Here is my impression of Mr Euan Bungit.."Look at Glenn Bishop...that horrid little man is wearing white after labor day...how pathetic..and look at how he combs his hair...my heavens...heres another poem."

And can anyone make any sense of that post where he mentions Peter Kane at the end? Is Bingalong doing heavy drugs?

RW.

The Magic Castle is fucked.

2005-06-23T17:03:00.000-07:00

Read this and you will see that the magic castle is fucked...

http://geniimagazine.com/forum/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=10;t=001631;p=1#000018

I think it's a good thing, its just a hyped up place that elitest fucks show up at. Good riddence to the sucky fuckfest I say.

On a serious note, MagicWhack is in difficulty, I am asking all readers to send me $250 to keep this blog going.

MW.

Been to MagicRants Lately?

2005-06-23T11:58:00.000-07:00

I went to Magicrants blog today. It's still gay shit.

Just thought I'd let you know to save you the bother.

MW.

The Cups and Balls.

2005-06-22T10:30:00.000-07:00

The cups and balls is considered old for a reason - it is.

Sadly 99% of magicians who try to perform it make it a dull, uninteresting, boring piece of trash although they may well own a really nice set of brass cups that cost hundreds of dollars and a nice hand turned walnut wand.

For most magi it seems that having a decent set of cups is a 'my dick is bigger than yours' contest, just go read the forums and watch the pathetic little shits bang on about how they've got a set of Paul Fox cups or a set of Porper (expensive and shit) cups. Most of those posts might as well just say "I got a tiny penis, but at least I wasted $500 on cups".

I don't care if your cups cost $5,000 - if you're fucking shit at the trick - don't do it. If the routine you do is the normal fucking about with 3 balls and then making some big shit come out at the end - guess what? Your audience already know whats going to happen - there is no surprise and that makes it fucking pointless.

Even Elmsley couldn't come up with a routine worth a shit that hadn't been done before. Vernon did OK, at least he fooled people with the explanation of a false transfer and then bamming a big ass ball under the cup, but guys... it's been done. It was good in the day Vernon did it because it hadn't been done that way by gazillions of people before him, but now it's been done, re-done, over done and done over - and it's not fucking entertaining anymore.

If you perform cups and balls and your audience applauds they are probably just being polite.

It's a good thing to learn to do, it's just not a great piece of performance magic. It will teach you all the basics of sleight of hand and misdirection and timing - but it will bore an audience to death because they seen it done before and they know the end before you get to it.

There's a tiny handful of magicians who have got close to having something that an audience really likes to watch and really gets fooled by when it comes to cups and balls. Everyone else sucks big fuzzy cock.

Here's some examples of GOOD cups and balls;

1) David Williamson - 2 cups, a few quick moves and tip a bag of lemons all over the place, pick up a spectator and helecopter spin them.

2) Johnny Thompson. But the routine is more about entertaining by doing impressions than fooling people with magic but it kinda counts.

3) David Regal - it's gaffed to hell and back, but its a great little story and he doesn't go on too long, it gets to the climax quickly and spurts the audience with globs of man splat.

There are probably some other good examples but they are few and far between. On the most part magicians settle for crochet balls and the same old routine and a few bits of fruit to finish and they make an excuse for it being fucking shitty arse wipe material by saying "yeah but it's a classic and these are expensive cups". Funny how classics are allowed to be un-entertaining, unoriginal drivel and magicians expect their audiences to tolerate it for those reasons - is it any wonder many laypeople claim to dislike magicians?

MW.

The future of magic...

2005-06-18T09:08:00.000-07:00

According to his web site "The future of magic is in his hands".

Based on the pictures he proudly displays on his site I'd say "the future of gays seeking pictures of boys to jack off too is in his hands".

But seriously... if he's the future of magic we're all fucked.

MW.

Keep it real.

2005-06-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

What get's me about the whole vanishing Magic Square blog is that the writer 'katterflamingo' or whatever his name was made two posts just one month ago that stressed the importance of voices like his, and how he wasn't happy about a fellow blogger shutting shop...

Here is what he said about Magic Mafia's blog closing down (thanks to google cache)...

MM and I are as far apart on the political spectrum as possible, but I have always respected his writing as honest and heartfelt, even as I've disagreed with some of it. I hope he rethinks his decision to quit. We need dissenting voices. Not a one of us is always right. In any event, MM, you were a delight to read. I wish you success in whatever your next venture will be.

Just a few days before he raved about how he'd managed to keep the blog going for one year and how it was the blogs anniversary, etc.

And yet regardless of his sense of achievement, or his disapproval of the vanishing of MM, it took only a couple of anonymous bloggers to make the odd fat joke (not even directed at him) and he pulled the plug and ran off whimpering.

If you write anything on the internet that gets read, you run the risk of someone picking on you. That applies whether you post on a forum like Magic Cafe, an Amazon store like Genii or you write a blog.

But after taking all of this into consideration; someone called Danny called me an asshole in a comment to one of the blog posts here. As a result I have developed clinical depression, gone totally crazy and now have no choice but to close this blog and delete it. Ohhh wait, my mistake, I have self esteem, a life outside of "blog-land" and a good woman who services my magic wand - I can handle the insult.

MW.

MagicWhack claims another victim.

2005-06-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

Looks like Katterfelto of the magicsquare blog couldn't take the truth. After the post I made yesterday he deleted his blog.

You can still read most of the posts where he lost the plot thanks to googles cache

When you're done why not click here to email him and tell him what a fuckwitt he is?

MW.

You don't have to be a tub of whale blubber to be insecure and take things out of context... but it helps.

2005-06-16T07:23:00.000-07:00

I didn't respond to this right away because frankly I didn't want to get into another slanging match with another prick so soon after the whole silly bam bam crisswell stuff. So I've left it a couple of weeks which will also hopefully have given time for the individual concerned to get over the huge trauma and now he won't read this and slit his wrists and I won't have to have the death of a fellow magician on my conscience.

I am talking about a couple of posts made by katterfatto on the magicsquare blog.

Here's the first one where he needs to take a break because someone on earth once made a fat joke and Zach Allen didn't send his order out.

Here's the second one where he claims that I hate all fat people and say that they shouldn't be allowed to do magic.

And here's the third one where he proves he's lost the plot.

Now it seems that his biggest beef with me is that I made two posts which he claims prove that I am sending a clear message. In fact I'll quote old tubs himself...

Look at two of Magic Whack's recent posts - the message is clear. It's not ok to look different. Specifically, it's ok to laugh at and dismiss people who are overweight.

One post was a picture of some guy selling a 'will do tricks for food' poster/gag and let's face it, he's dressed scruffy, looks like he sleeps on the streets and gets butt fucked by big black dudes with aids for cash - and that's how he chose to appear in the photo. I found it amusing and posted it with the words 'no shit' underneath and no further comment. I did not post "Look at this fat fucker". I didn't even think it was a big deal that the guy is a little overweight.

The other post was about a magician who wanted to levitate his fat wife. Now this I stand by. Go read the post and you'll see that I said...

Most guys who go to illusion shows or take their familes to illusion shows don't go for the illusion (unless you're a geeky magician). They go to see semi-naked babes strutting their stuff, and contorting themselves into boxes. And while their wives and children applaud the magic they are spanking their monkey while they imagine how useful that pose she just did would be in the bedroom.

I've seen illusion acts where the assistants have been porkers and it's just sad to watch a chair levitation struggle under the strain. If you choose to be a dancer or magicians assistant - there is a certain level of physical fitness and attractivness you need to meet. That's just the way it is. It's the same with lots of jobs. Why are none of the supermodels fat and ugly? Because if they were they wouldn't find work. Why do the best porn stars have big tits? Because they sell DVD's and look better bouncing on a 12 inch cock.

I know lots of fat magicians and a lot more that are ugly fuckers. Some are both. It doesn't mean they can't do good magic. And to twist what I said to make it fit that means you have to be pretty insecure and parnoid. So Katterflappo or whatever your name is - lay off the blow dude, the paranoia is kicking in and its obviously a bad thing for someone who is overweight to get the munchies after a good session of puffing the magic dragon.

By all means disagree with me, but for fuck sake don't take what I say out of context and make me out to be your reason for wanting to quit magic. If you're not happy about being fat - do something about it or learn to be happy with yourself.

MW.

Sunshine Boys Lecture by Becker and Earle

2005-06-11T16:10:00.000-07:00

Have you seen that Lee Earle and Larry Becker have a new DVD out?

If you got $35 to waste I can think of better things to spend it on than a DVD featuring a has-been mentalist and a tranny.

The dealer copy says...

Entertaining Mentalism for Real-World Performances - This DVD includes six entertaining routines with detailed explanations presented for a live audience from two camera views! Also included are hilarious out-takes, and extra free performance material in PDF format.

Hilarious outtakes - yeah where Lee accidentally flashes his bra strap and Becker screws up and does something that isn't dull as fuck. I gotta have it.

MW.

Andrew Mayne Illusion Show.

2005-06-10T16:19:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd found a venue where Andrew Mayne was doing his illusion show. I took my seat but it turned out I was sat around the back of Walmart looking into their dumpsters.

MW.

Impressions of other bloggers #374 - Magic Enigma.

2005-06-08T09:45:00.000-07:00

Boycott the magic cafe, their advertisers will die and go bankrupt, no wait I am kidding, or am I?

MW.

Impressions of other bloggers #333 - Magic BY Enigma

2005-06-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

BAM BAM!

Oh someone hacked my blog. It's ok it's easy to get back. But I won't get it back. I am a dip shit.

MW.

Impressions of other bloggers #314 - Pagliacci.

2005-06-08T08:32:00.000-07:00

Magic is crap. here's some titties.

tits!

MW.

Impressions of other bloggers #766 - FooCan

2005-06-08T08:15:00.000-07:00

Now posting once a month.

Harry Lorrayne is an old cunt. Buy Andys and Ryans books please. Issue 5 is coming really it is.

MW.

Impressions of other bloggers #431 - magicden

2005-06-08T08:04:00.000-07:00

That Steve Youell's a right prick
He really makes me sick
If you subscribe to his site you're thick.
Cogitations doesn't rhyme with dick.

MW.

Impressions of other bloggers #499 Magicrants.

2005-06-08T07:12:00.000-07:00

Cups and balls in the best trick ever. I have a nice cup, it is made of metal, aluminium to be exact and I use red crochet balls. I suck the cock of most of the male staff at L&L publishing.

I don't read anonymous blogs ever, really I don't - although I tend to be able to magically comment on them and even quote them verbatim.

I haven't written anything worth reading in months.

I should change the name of my blog from magicrants to MagicLiar.

MW.

Impressions of other bloggers #22 - Fearson/Messiah Blog.

2005-06-08T06:59:00.000-07:00

Wibble bibble Jeeeesus, devil, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. flummmmmpy tummmbly bingggggy bong dody woddy chupper knump.

mirror in a box floaty jesus, end of the world, aaaarrghhhh amaageddon and remote viewing and $30 please.

yiggy niggy noooo. fingers on your eye lids and run, i vanished, how about that, bow to me i am god, tibby tooooonuts.

MW.

Pete McCabe can't do magic.

2005-06-03T02:13:00.000-07:00

Get out your old Genii magazines and a couple years ago you'll see that Pete McCabe contributed a new version of Marlo's Estimation Aces.

It was a deck full of aces so you couldn't miss. What's the fucking point of that? Only a fumble fingered cunt could miss cutting to the aces in esitimation aces, it's not that hard. But ohh noo, that's too tricky for Uncle Pete so he comes up with the amazing idea of using a deck that's gaffed. That's not a contribution to magic - that's spitting on Marlo's grave and pissing on his headstone.

What reminded me of that travesty was a thread on the ~~Amazon magic talk board~~ Genii Forum about the 'homing card' and it turns out that Mr ~~Mcgoo~~ McCabe has contributed another winner to the world of magic - a version of homing card (card to pocket) that uses... NO PALMING.

He removes the very core of the trick and shits on it just to make it so he can do it. The original was structured so as to perfectly cover the palm and allow for a magical repeat, but Pete couldnt stand that, if he had to palm a card he may actually have to put some effort into his magic.

What's next from this genius of magic? Out of this world where all the cards are red and you just hope the audience doesn't notice the lack of black cards when you flip over the piles? Or three card monte where you just use three spot cards and just claim there is a queen so you don't have to learn any of those tricky tossing moves?

Maybe we'll get the McCabe vanishing candle to replace the Fantasio models - Method: Attach elastic to the end of a real candle and allow it to shoot up your sleeve...its much easier than plaming the inch long fantasio model.

I am all for simplifying a trick but when you rip out the core of it, butt fuck it and shit it out in Genii you really aren't doing the magic community any favors.

MW.

Penguin have to resort to giving this shit away...

2005-06-03T01:01:00.000-07:00

Penguin have just sent an email to their customers (thanks to John for forwarding this to me)...

It's weekend bonus time at Penguin! Now thru Monday, June 6th, we're throwing in a FREE "Ultimate Coin in the Balloon" DVD (a $ 30 value) with all orders over $59!

So Penguin are having to GIVE AWAY Micky Bairefoot's DVD because it's that fucking bad no one is buying them.

That is the only conclusion you can draw - if they were offering a free gift to encourage orders they'd offer something that people actually want.

So it looks like my critics were wrong - I was able to make an accurate judgement based on only seeing the demo.

MW.

Boycott of Cafe Advertisers?

2005-05-31T01:20:00.000-07:00

Magic Enigma is saying there should be a boycott of Magic Cafe Advertisers.

I think the feeling is that Brooks is an evil fucker who deletes posts and rules with an iron fist and blah, blah, blah, blah.

I don't like the cafe much, although it's a great source of entertainment. Where else can you see grown men say such stupid things? If nothing else it's a great source of material for us bloggers.

The big problem is that people think everything on the Internet should be free and that the Internet is where we can truely have free speech.

I think what we have to accept is that the Magic Cafe is a business. It costs money to run and no one would do it for the love of it. So they put ads on it and turn a profit. That's life.

As a business it has people in charge who make choices about how the place is run. Because Mr Brooks pays for it he can choose how to run it. As I said I don't like it - which is why I don't post there, I just read the dumb shit.

Advertisers will go where there are page views. And also bear in mind that a lot of the cafe members are dipshits who are quite happy with how it's run.

If you don't like the magic cafe - just boycott it. Don't go there, don't post, don't give it any page-views. And if enough people agree with you it will dwindle to nothing like so many other magic forums and the advertisers will pull out anyway. There are other magic forums you can join.

I for one like the cafe being there. It keeps most of the stupid shits in one place and gives me a lot to laugh at and pick on.

MW.

Brooks seeks legal advice.

2005-05-28T06:25:00.000-07:00

Apparently Steve Brooks at the magic cafe is seeking legal advice after a recent attack on his site where some guys all posted about him being;

a) A cock sucker
b) A bitch
c) Fat

However Mr Brooks won't be taking legal action as he has been advised that in order for something to be considered slanderous it cannot be a true statement.

MW.

Bam Bam wanna talk

2005-05-28T05:58:00.000-07:00

I fired up Yahoo Messenger the other day, for the first time in ages - I don't generally use it.

To my surprise there was a request for me to add Enigma/Bam Bam/Chastan/Huckhound to my list and he said "dude lets talk".

Sadly I had to decline because I only have magicians on my Yahoo list.

MW.

Levitate a chubby.

2005-05-27T08:45:00.000-07:00

I love this post on the cafe...

http://www.themagiccafe.com/forums/viewtopic.php?topic=9009&forum=26

In short the guy is saying "I don't have a female assistant so I am using my wife, she's a fat ass and will bend any levitation frame/harness system known to man. Where can I get a super strength X frame from?"

Think of your audience man - who really wants to see a chubby chops flopping all over the stage?

Most guys who go to illusion shows or take their familes to illusion shows don't go for the illusion (unless you're a geeky magician). They go to see semi-naked babes strutting their stuff, and contorting themselves into boxes. And while their wives and children applaud the magic they are spanking their monkey while they imagine how useful that pose she just did would be in the bedroom.

On a serious note, I'd suggest to 'MagicalPirate' who asked the question that he shouldn't bother with a levitation but follow the other chain of thought he mentions in that post...

anyone can make a skinny girl disappear (just stand her sideways) or make her disembodied. But a big girl, now thats quite something that will get a lot of attention.

Yeah it will get attention. People love a laugh. But if you must do this then I believe if you ask around someone can point you in the right direction of the people who build those elephant vanishes.

MW.

Tom Vorjohan.

2005-05-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

No shit.

MW.

Am I back?

2005-05-21T09:18:00.000-07:00

Fucking looks like it.

I never planned to quit. Me saying I was quitting and not meaning it was just me being an MCJ clone. Hahahahahahaha. I make myself laugh so hard sometimes, owch, stopit.

Anyways - I don't plan on going anywhere.

Back to some more 'normal whack style posts' next week.

MW.

Bairefoot DVD - a follow up.

2005-05-21T09:12:00.000-07:00

I posted recently about the Micky Bairefoot coin in balloon DVD that Penguin have for sale. I'd made a number of points based on nothing more than seeing the demo video.

This weekend someone lent me the DVD.

I feel I owe everyone an apology because I made it sound really bad.

The truth is - it's a lot fucking worse that I'd been able to guess from the demo.

MW.

Almost a week and no new posts?

2005-05-19T18:12:00.000-07:00

Yeah well if everyone really believes I am a mcj clone what's the fuckin point?

I can't go on. I quit.

MW.

Jay Marshall.

2005-05-11T14:33:00.000-07:00

I just heard about Jay Marshall passing away. That is a real loss to the world of magic.

Even more tragic is that I understand his sidekick 'Lefty' has also died. A double blow to the magic community.

MW.

Automark banned from cafe

2005-05-11T06:31:00.000-07:00

At last - a cafe ban I agree with.

Automark, who is Chastain, who is BAM the blogger, who is Enigma has been banned because he was using a fake id to promote his own products on the cafe. I'll settle for that since 'putting out a shit trick' isn't grounds for a ban.

Well done to MagicianX for initally suggesting the link between the two. I'm glad I dug deeper and now he's been found out.

Notice on his last few cafe posts he tries to pretend to not be Chastain? Exactly what BAM is doing on his poor attempt at a blog. Give it up Mr C - you're still not fooling anyone!

The demo of Deface is still available to view if you want to laugh your ass off. It's here.

MW.

Good News Indeed

2005-05-10T09:41:00.000-07:00

I made my last blog at 8:57am. At just after 9am, Mr BAM BAM decided this...

GOOD NEWS
I am back on track, recent posts and remarks have gotten me back
where I started. For nwo I am bored with Whack-O. So I leave him to his own
games, now I will be reviewing other blah's in the next day or two.

In other words he's running away just like Steve Pellegrino, Dwayne Andres, and Steven Youell. What am I on now guys? 4 - 0?

The Whackster claims another victim.

MW.

All you BAM lovers - praise JeeeeezzzzAaaSSsss

2005-05-10T08:57:00.000-07:00

The BAM boy has posted again. Don't all rush to go read it, it makes little sense. I think he's trying reverse psychology by saying "ohh I have been busted they think its me and it is, but it isn't, yarrrdy darrr". Sadly he's thicker than peter norths cock and the whole thing makes little sense.

I have had some email though and so rather than answer you individually, which I rarely do, here's my reply to BAM BAM's earlier post...

So let's take it apart shall we?

Not only is this guy a MCJ wannabe but he suffers from the same ridiculous moral fiber in which MCJ is made. I also have to give MCJ some credit... he appears to have bought the product or at least obtained a legal copy of the magic he reviews. Magic Whack has no clue, he watches demo videos of stuff and then tried to reverse engineer it and then makes claims to how the tricks suck. Never have I seen him give a positive review.

Magic demo's are there for us to see how good (or bad) and effect is. In all of the ones I've pulled apart, it's not been necessary to waste cash on the actual product to know that it's shit. Deface for example is so obvious and as one cafe member noted it wouldn't fool his dog.

I don't have to try to reverse engineer stuff - its OBVIOUS how it works and over an above the method - I am commenting on the overall effect (or often the lack of one).

People make up their own minds about what to buy, and I don't pretend to have bought a product if I haven't. So when magicians read my comments they know I am basing my views on a demo and nothing more.

As for not giving a postive review, I don't need to - go read Genii or Magic for those.

At least MCJ at times likes some of the things he “BUYS.” I have found if I buy something I tend to respect it a little more. Kind of reminds me of the kid who was raised in a rich family as opposed to a poor family. He cares nothing for his gifts or objects he possesses but the poor kid wish he had it.

I guess you've lucked out and mainly bought good things then. I don't think paying for Deface would make anyone respect it more - it would just piss them off. Which kind of reminds me of the parable of the boy who had $10 to spend and he bought deface because although it looked like a piece of shit he was convinced he could make something of it and that buying it would give him the respect for it he so badly needed. The package came in the mail and he opened it and followed the instructions, he showed his friends and each of them said it was the lamest piece of smelly shit they had ever seen. He played with it some more, experiemented with the handling and fine tuned it and then showed his friends once more. Again they mocked him and said 'that trick smells worse than Burgers cock after it's been up a mans ass all night. Finally the boy took it to a wise old magician, who gave the kid some well known advice... he said "sonny, you cannot polish a turd".

Let’s start with the top post. Defaced by Chastain Criswell – he totally rips this thing a new one. I have seen the video and I think it is a decent effect, however I can agree with whack on one thing, the method he gives appears to be on the head. Does that make it bad? Does that warrant a massive amount of vulgar language and off colored comments about the guy who invented it?

Let's see - does the fact the method smells and the effect is garbage warrant me saying so? Yes.

Does it warrant me saying vulgar things about it's creator - maybe not, but fuck it's fun.

I personally own TAG by Chastain Criswell but I have yet to get Deface, and I would say it is one of the best effects I bought in years! (How many years you ask?) I would say around 30 give or take a few.

What a coincidence.

As stated above, who knows this guys situation? How do we know he doesn’t need
this to live? Who knows how much it cost him to make the tricks or how much he
makes off of it?

Here's a tip BAM BAM - if you want to make money selling tricks to magicians - make them good ones. I don't give a flying fuck what they cost you to make - they are shit. I don't care if you don't sell any because their shit and you starve on the streets and have to resort to giving blow jobs to bikers to make a couple bucks for food.

Also this guy makes statements about how “One” line of the effect is written and all through his post he totally misspelled lying. (Lieing)

OHHHHH FUCK. Put me in the electric chair and fry my ass, I spelled a word wrong. That proves all that I say is not worth believing. Look - if you are going to write ad copy, you owe it to yourself and your customers to PROOF read it and not be lazy. I don't get paid for writing this shit, I don't give a crap if it's lying, lieing, laying or lion.

But, that is not all; he ripped apost on a FORUM for MAGICIANS because he didn’t like the content? Due stop reading it and give it no more thought. This was a moment in person life that he holds fond and wanted to share and you then turn around and become judge of who should post and what they should post?

Yeah get over it fuck face.

Dude, you have not a clue as to what makes a good post or what makes magic, magic so you should pack your bags and move to the country and slop pigs for the rest of your life! YOU HAVE NO CLUE! Can I say it again or do you get it now?

And that's where you're wrong. Seems most magicians agree with me that Deface is shit. I think you are the one with NO CLUE as to what is magic - let's face it, you think Deface is a trick.

Then he proceeds to review aDVD he does not even own, AGAIN! Now I watched the Demo video and I should say by all accounts it appears he is correct in what is contained in the DVD. However does he know for sure? I mean a card trick is a card trick, a rope trick is a rope trick, a classic force is a classic force but many people have videos and books and packaged effects out that use these same principles. I don’t know how accurate naming a classic force after yourself, but who knows what he has done with it? Mark Mason does a classic force with a different “move”and I
believe he renamed it. HOW MANY PASSES ARE THEIR? And the rope trick was not even long enough for him to assume, the card trick that appears to be immaculate Connection by Paul Harris may just be that but can you honestly say?

How do I know for sure - because it's fucking obvious you dumb prick. And to say "a card trick is a card trick" is stupid too. From your attitude it's ok to steal other peoples tricks and call them your own on the basis that 'a trick is a trick'? I am puzzled over what you mean.

I believe Mark Mason has the 'Attitude force' and it's quite different from a classic force. If you watch the demo of it (real world magic DVD) - its obvious what the difference is. It's also fairly apparent how the force works, but I got to say it looks good (there you go a positive review).

There's a difference between a trick using a principle and a trick being THE SAME as another trick. One is using a move, the other is stealing.

The rest of that paragraph is just a dick clutching at straws and it's not worth the key strokes to reply.

So BAM BAM/Chastain/Automark/Enigma/etc - you can say over and over that I don't have a clue what makes good magic - I think its obvious that I do. I also think its apparent that you don't and that you haven't really studied magic before you began dumping stuff out into the magic marketplace.

Ohh one more thing - I loved this comment in BAM BAM's blog...

Maybe these guys should try accepting Jesus and his teachings into their daily lives. Who knows maybe they have and have only forgotten what Christianity is about?

Fucking hilarious.

MW.

More on Chastain Criswell, MagicbyEnigma, Automark and all his other alter egos...

2005-05-10T08:41:00.000-07:00

Thanks to one of my fave bloggers Magicianx for this post about 'Automark' on the magic cafe.

Mr X has pointed out a string of coincidences about the character, particularly that he likes everything Chastain Criswell has ever put out. So I dug a bit further and looked up EVERY post that Automark has made on the cafe in the six months.

Thirty Seven posts all told, and how many of them are about how good Chastain or one of his tricks is? THIRTY FUCKING TWO!

Also Automark seems to write in the same style as the BAM blogger.

So Mr C, not only are you not fooling anyone with that joker face shit, you're not fooling them with your multitude of web characters all plugging you and your products either.

MW.

New blog I'm not adding to the blogroll.

2005-05-09T13:22:00.000-07:00

I won't be adding this blog to the blogroll, but I will give it a shout. I found it by checking the profile of someone who commented a couple of times to my post about 'deface'. He's the only person to have commented who LIKES the trick - so he's obviously stupid...

It's called the BAM blog and it's written by someone anonymous called Chastain Crisswell.

Interesting how he slams me the same day as I post about his latest trick (if you can call it a trick). Anyway his blog makes a string of totally invalid and null points - good job Mr C.

I'll give you all time to check out this amazing new blog, and I'll comment more on this bumblebees rantings in the next day or two. That's of course if his blog doesn't vanish or change real suddenly.

MW.

One for double the money.

2005-05-09T05:57:00.000-07:00

Bill Goldman is a fucking rip-off king. When he sold 'One for the money' as a manuscript it wasn't worth $10. Now the old fuck has put it on DVD and has doubled the price.

Let's sum up what you are going to get for £20.

Here's the trick:

1) Spectator deals cards from a face down deck into a face up pile on the table, you note the 2nd card dealt and walk away and jack yourself off.

2) Spectator stops dealing, discards the portion of the deck they are holding and pick up the tabled cards. They bury top and bottom card and take new top card as their selection, which is obviously the one you noted and the spectator thinks "holy fuck this is shit".

3) They bury their 'selection' and shuffle the living fuck out of the deck, they hand it to you, you look through and cut their card back to the top.

4) Ask them for a number from 1-52, deal that many onto the table.

5) Pick up the tabled cards and peek at top card. Replace the top card, pick up all the cards except the bottom card with right hand and table them, at the same time lift selection to your face with left hand and smile like a cheap porn star taking a face full of spooge.

It's the sort of trick you might feel was worthy of appearing in genii or magic magazine, but to put this one trick on a dvd is a total rip-off.

MW.

Hanks Hot list

2005-05-06T11:39:00.000-07:00

Is it just me that thinks Hank Lee should rename his 'Hot List' to "The ROT List"?

MW

Michael Bairefoot - fuckwitt.

2005-05-06T05:13:00.000-07:00

Michael Bairefoot is dumber than I thought. In a recent post I referred to the demo clip I'd watched on Penguin Magic. All the way through that post I said "from the demo this looks like..."

So why did cuntface send this email?

From: Theefoot@aol.com
Date: Thu, 5 May 2005 00:13:19 EDT
Subject: Bairefoot
To: magicwhack@yahoo.com

Thanks for buying my DVD.

Michael Bairefoot

Do I really come across as the kind of fuckwitt who would waste real cash on a shitty dvd like yours Michael? On the most part I wouldn't need it since I learnt most of those tricks from the originators that you stole from. Not once in my post did I say I had bought it - learn to read you thick fuck.

MW.

Deface value of this is fuck all.

2005-05-05T08:33:00.000-07:00

I was scrolling through Magic.org at the page where they list the top ten sellers. I usually use it as a guide of what's really poor in magic and it's usually a good measuring stick.

On that list I noticed a new trick from Chastain Criswell - remember him? He's the one who wears a suit that looks like a bean bag from the household store of no taste.

The trick is called "Deface" and those lieing fucks at magic.org claim;

"Deface had an explosive launch. Chastain's last trick, Tag, was also a big hit right off the bat. You'll actually perform Deface - it's practical. Steve Beam and Dan Harlan have raved about Deface by Chastain Criswell."

I say they're lieing fucks because claiming that you'll actually perform this piece of garbage is a claim I don't think anyone can really back up.

It doesn't surprise me that Steve Beam and Dan Harlan loved it, if you've read Beams tricks in the semi automatic books and watched Harlan perform on those 'Packs small plays shit" DVD's from L&L then you'll know that neither of them would know a good trick if it gave them a free blow job.

Now before you go any further, I think you should check out the demo video for yourselves...

http://www.putfile.com/media.php?n=Deface113

Here's what the ridiculous ad copy says...

From the creator of this years bigest hit, TAG!
This is destined to be one of card magic’s newest and most incredible illusions. This trick is one you will perform; and leave the spectator with their jaws on the floor.

OK, so right off the bat a string of bullshit. Was TAG really this years biggest hit? Is it really an 'incredible illusion' or is it a waxy gimmick being slid across a specially printed joker?

I am also puzzled by the language here. It will the leave the SPECTATOR (singular) with their jaws (plural) on the floor. It's a micro illusion, you couldn't perform it for more than one person at a time anyway, so I assume its one person with two jaws.

Effect: A joker is removed from the deck and shown; the magician then proceeds to do the impossible. With only the tip of the magician’s finger the face of the joker is moved to the side of the card, removed from the card, and replaced. However as an after thought the magician decides this is not enough, so to leave the spectator in awe the face is moved once again. Not only did you move and remove the face of a "BICYCLE” joker but you leave the card in a way no one can deny could only be done by “Magic!”

OK.. now let's look at what really happens. If you watched the same demo as me... you push a cut out bit of a jokers face thats stuck on with wax across a card that's printed with the face of the joker missing. You fumble around like a klutz and show you moved it and then fumble a lot to go back. Then you steal the piece away and lift up your other thumb thats covered the extra printed face of the joker that's in the wrong place. The spectator's figure it out in an instant because the effect is the same as the method.

You'll recieve...
• Ten specialty printed gimmicked cards!
• Two regular Jokers.
• Instructions packed with ideas, routines, original impromptu version, three different handlings of the effect, and the building blocks to what will be the next hottest effect in magic!

TEN specially printed gimmicked cards? I don't know why they are giving you ten - no one will want to perform this more than once.
TWO regular jokers - yeah baby, count them! TWO! What value.
Instructions packed with ideas - yeah like "don't do this shit in public".

Here's a little tip if you're a magician wanting to put out an effect. Get some decent magician friends first and show it to them. If they know anything about magic and your trick is this fucking dire, they'll tell you and save you the embarassment of putting it out.

Also, how far up his own ass is this guy? He's put out one trick before which by all accounts wasn't bad. Now he thinks he's Vernon making claims like 'the building blocks of what will be the next hottest effect in magic' and 'destined to be one of card magics newest and most incredible illusions'.

MW.

The amusing stories that are told while they wait for Jay to snuff it...

2005-05-02T16:52:00.000-07:00

On Genii forum there's a post all about Jay Marshall and how he's in hospital and he might not make it, but then he might and all that jazz. I love Jay Marshall and I hope he's OK, but the meaningless banter that's going on while we wait to hear is just shit.

Here's the thread on Genii

Check out the post by Scott Forman who tells us what I think is meant to be a funny story...

funny story about jay flipping the bird to the nurse...she must not have been a cutie.....last summer....(listen pete biro) i went to the dream cruise in detroit....its 10th anniversary..and my mom was dying in the hospital in royal oak michigan....and my mom was a tennis fanatic she played everywhere....we lived in england and she always got tickets to wimbledon...but mom was watching the hospital tv...and the tennis was on...i said..ma...who are these women? and she goes...thats maurislova or someone...and she yells...."shes a dike" in front of this male nurse...and i said Ma....shhhhhhh i think hes gay.....and the guy turns around and says he has to call his wife....

How does that relate to anything mentioned and how its supposed to be funny? All it just shows is that his mom was a stupid biggoted bitch.

The punch line is basically "I called a man gay and he went to call his wife. baaa booom, thank you I'll be here all week". And the overall story is "My mom was dying and she started hating fags." Well thanks for sharing Scott.

Pete Biro saves the day though by making the post hilarious when he comes back with this classic comedy reply; "He called his wife and when he answered?" - "wakka wakka, you've been great..tip your waitress, goodnight!"

And really - I don't care that his mom died. What magic did she ever do?

MW.

New Look Genii Forum

2005-05-02T08:45:00.000-07:00

Click on the picture for a better look, its a large image - but it's worth it.

MW.

Penguin keep selling shit

2005-04-28T15:54:00.000-07:00

Looking at the top ten new arrivals at Penguin Magic shows that they really know how to market some utter shit.

The Ultimate Coin in the Balloon with Michael Bairefoot (DVD) - This looks to be another Magic Makers DVD based on the black background, standard card table, dimly lit room approach to shooting video. For just $30 you get to see a Redneck hick in a suit stuff a coin in a balloon and swirl it about. You also get some rope stuff, which from the demo would all appear to be non-original stolen material, a linking cards which is obviously Paul Harris's Immaculate Connection, 'the bairefoot force' which looks like a classic force and probably is, and what looks like the most sad attempt at a torn and restored card ever. Why is this being sold at all?

Bill in Kiwi with Carl Cloutier - Take a common trick like Bill to lemon, change the fruit to a Kiwi and you got a fucking product to sell to magicians because most of them are gullible little shits. Well done Carl.

The PASS with Randy Wakeman (DVD) - If you want to learn how to do a pass that involves tipping the deck back and forth like you're having some kind of episode then this is the DVD for you. I watched the demo and couldn't believe anyone would want to learn a pass off this nasal sounding prick.

The Hunter Shuffle - Do the zarrow shuffle, change its name, put it on DVD, $20 please. This is just plain stealing.

No wonder Jay Sankey has found new dealers to sell his shit, even he doesn't want to be associated with blatent shit like this.

MW.

Afro Head

2005-04-25T14:20:00.000-07:00

Richard Kaufman - master of the pass or at least the master of talking about it in a recent post on Genii admitted...

"I have neither the time nor energy to practice. Between the time I lectured in China in September 2004, to the Blackpool convention in February 2005, I had not picked up a deck of cards once."

Geeze I bet that was a fucking great lecture then. What a fucking pro.

MW.

MagicWhack tackles some more...

2005-04-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

OK here's some more issues I've been asked to clean up...

aguijonmagico said...

My view is that many debates are born from a set list of questions, always asked time after time in every magic forum. So, I will list the questions, which are the root of those debates...

Can we use cards in mentalism...or not?

Kenton Knepper tries to pretend this is a controversial issue if you read his rantings on online-visions. It's not.

I also don't see why it's discussed on forums as much as it is.

If you are comfortable doing mentalism with cards then fucking do it. If you're not - don't.

How Am I suppose to dress?

In a short skirt, tight top with a push-up bra, stockings, suspenders, high heels. Well that's if you're an attractive girl magician, because girls are no good at magic so if you're going to perform you better give us some eye candy and make out we might get to fuck you if we watch you do tricks.

If you can't figure out how to dress for a show - you're not ready to perform.

How much should I charge?

If you have to ask this question then not fucking much, maybe a dime or two.

If you are serious about performing and are good - do some research of your own. Asking in a magic forum isn't research, it's lazyness and a good chance for all the ego driven dicks in the forum to lie about how much they make.

First time gig on table hopping. What tricks should I do?

Again if you don't know - you are not ready to perform for money. In fact you're not ready to perform for real people even if you're doing it for free.

Is the pass necessary?

It beats me too why this gets asked on forums. If the pass is really the most efficient solution then use it. If it's not then don't. Sadly a lot of 'respected' magicians harp on and on about 'the pass' and in most cases they use it when it's not necessary and do so only because if they do they can rant about how fucking good they are.

If you're Richard Kaufman then it's necessary - your life would be meaningless without it.

Are stage magicians real magicians, or the real magic is in close up?

Reality check: There is no such thing as real magic. Magicians do tricks.

Where do I learn street magic?

Learn tricks, do them on the street - you just learnt street magic.

The bigger trick is learning how to be a good street performer. Most of the dicks on forums don't have a personality and so are going to die on their butts on the street.

What is 'street magic' anyway? In most cases it's close up tricks that can be done without a table and is for performers who don't want to be paid much, if anything.

If you don't want to learn to be a good street perfomer then learn to juggle black tiger cards about and look like a prick. That seems to be the accepted alternative.

Videos or books?

Niether. Use DVD's.

The real answer is - use what's good for you. But for fuck sake if you're going to learn from video/dvd - learn the trick then turn the video off and go practise it, alter it to suit your own style and make it look natural in your own hands and come up with your own patter. I was at a magic club meeting not so long ago and this new kid comes up to me and does a few tricks. He actually did them really well, but when he performed his accent changed and he sounded just like Micheal Ammar. I said "you learn that from easy to master card tricks?" and he said "yeah how did you guess?"

it's ok to fool people?

What the fuck is this question? If you're not fooling people you're not doing magic, either that or you've learnt a load of tricks by Mike Maxwell.

is cold reading ethical?

No but it's profitable.

how do I manage hecklers?

Most hecklers aren't professional and don't require management or agents. But if you are going to manage them, make sure you have them sign an iron clad contract. I doubt there's any money in it though, most you'll be on is 15% and hecklers don't generally get paid. 15% of nothing is nothing.

Is it ok to steal an effect I've watched?

Yes. If you work out a method - go for it. But don't steal someone else's routine or patter.

What is misdirection?

If you don't know this - get off the magic forums. Go fucking learn something about magic and then come back.

What is magic?

See 'what is misdirection'.

I'm starting to learn card magic, what should I read?

Books.

It's ok to download from emule the latest DVD and books?

Is it ok to walk into your local magic shop and steal whatever you want? Is it OK to steal a car? Is it ok to steal anything?

Who invented collectors, Roy Walton or Marlo?

Roy Walton.

What do I do if someone ask me how did I do it?

Say 'very well' haaaa haaaa haaaaaaaa. Ohhh that line is so fucking hilarious.

How do I approach a table?

I usually find walking works quite well. If you run towards it you could trip and knock shit flying everywhere and that isn't very professional.

Can we learn magic from internet? (meaning sites, forums, not downloading videos, duh).

Not if the only forum you use is the cafe. Although you can figure out some methods if you can br*ak the*r spec*al cod* where they put st**s in words.

How do you define exposure?

Flopping your cock out in front of your audience and saying "How's that for a magic wand".

Who is right: The Magic Cafe, or the blog people?

Bloggers!

MW.

P.S. I've left a couple off his list as they need more in depth answers!

Steve Fearson.

2005-04-20T14:59:00.000-07:00

Steve Fearson used to put out really clever stuff, he was highly respected and upstanding.

Then he got a computer.

MW.

MagicWhack tackles it #2

2005-04-20T14:37:00.000-07:00

Thomas Wayne wrote;

Jonathan Townsend claims he invented Three Fly and also feels he has proprietary claim over any version of "Coins Across" that has one or more phase(s) involving a visual or fingertips display. Of course he wouldn’t even be making this claim is Chris Kenner hadn’t credited him as “inspiration” lo these many years ago…Most guys familiar with the actual history have dismissed this BS long ago, but the "debate" remains active because anytime virtually any version of 3Fly is mentioned Townsend jumps in with crap about being the "original inventor".

Magic Whack, please settle this for us.

Regards,
Thomas Wayne

Glad to help. And it's easy.

1) JT didn't publish anything on this - he can't claim it. If you want credit for something, be the first to publish it somewhere. End of story.

2) All versions of 3-fly suck anyway.

3) Kenner may have been inspired by JT. There's a big difference between inventing something and inspiring someone else to invent something. I have a non-magic friend who often inspires me. He'll say 'hey that be really good if...', I'll say 'ok' and work on it. Should I credit him with anything? And did he INVENT anything? I don't think so.

I suggest that everytime that freak posts claiming originality that someone replies right away and tells him that. Maybe he'll give up eventually.

MW

Black tiger decks.

2005-04-19T11:24:00.000-07:00

On the cafe they are still debating how good or bad 'black tiger' decks are. I think it's time to end the debate. Here is the answer:

Black tiger decks are fucking crap. They are used by jumped up little shits whose magic is so piss poor that they have to use an interesting looking deck to give the audience something worth looking at. Most of them are going to have you take a card then toss them about and juggle them like an epilectic kid at a disco when they turn the strobes on, and if you're lucky at the end they'll spin your card out the deck and do a ninja pose.

If your magic is so piss poor that you have to rely on black decks to give your spectators a focal point of interest then maybe you should get a new hobby.

MW.

P.S. If you know of any other 'age old' debates that keep coming up over and over and over and fucking over - email me - I'll settle them too.

Why do magicians like Eugene Burger?

2005-04-19T11:09:00.000-07:00

I just saw some video footage of Eugene Burger. Is that guy appauling or what? He does this sponge ball trick and after some well worn gags involving a squeaker he does the normal sponge ball crap and then says "I hide them in my beard haaaahaaaa". As he says that he reaches behind his beard and comes out with a ball that was previously in finger palm. Why fucking bother? He doesn't need to palm it in - he could really hide the balls in his beard.

He always goes for simple methods, which is fair enough, but taking a simple trick and telling some bullshit story, throwing flash paper about, stroking his beard and looking wierd doesn't make for good entertainment.

I just don't get what the attraction is for magicians. He's just a big guy with a beard who does mediocre magic. His books are no better, in fact 'books' in plural is a bit of a stretch, lets be real, he's published the same material at least three times over - a load of terrible theory.

I wouldn't have so much of an issue if he was just a performer, but he lectures to magicians, has DVD's out, etc.

Maybe I am missing something? Is it only me who doesn't see what he brings to the magical art?

MW.

New from R Paul Wilson

2005-04-15T14:15:00.000-07:00

Order Now! Leather Wallet by R Paul Wilson.

Just imagine what is possible with R Paul Wilsons new 'Leather Wallet'.

You're out for dinner, the check comes. Without any false moves you are able to take out your wallet and show it contains enough cash to pay for your meal. And if you're short, just reach into the credit card section and stun your waitress by handing her your American Express card!

You go to a club and you get asked for ID.. no problem - pull out the R Paul Wilson leather wallet, open the drivers license section and prove your age. It's that easy!

But that's not all. You are able to show that the zipper section is empty one moment and then thanks to the craftsmanship of Joe Porper you can magically cause not one, but TWO cigarette papers to appear.

Need a postage stamp? No sweat - there's a special compartment for those too!

You will wonder how you ever came to buy this.

A Fuckem-Over exclusive. $699 + shipping.

I am quitting magic

2005-04-14T05:25:00.000-07:00

I want to quit magic.

I was talking to someone about a booking and they mentioned this loser because they were concerned my act might be something similar.

It's so depressing that magicians get grouped together so that once someone has seen a fat fucker horsing around with colored cardboard boxes, gayly colored pieces of wood and silk scarves they assume other magicians are going to be as lame.

Check out some of the pictures this ass uses as 'marketing material' on his site. The one of the kids holding the silks is incredible. Not one of those little shits looks like they're having a good time. In fact it looks like old Marty Kopoff has handed them a silk each and told them that their mom's just been killed in a car wreck.

Look on the bright side kids - at least she went quickly, you've all gotta endure the fat prick show.

The other photo is of Marty Kopalot showing off a mechanical rabbit. This leaves his right arm free to go down his pants and spank the monkey - thus the look on his face.

MW.

Do we need more card tricks?

2005-04-13T01:47:00.000-07:00

I expect you've seen the hoooooharrrrr that was caused on Genii forum when Pete Biro said "do we really need more card tricks" in response to a question about the new John Bannon book.

I think the bigger question is this:

Did we need another ring flight? Especially an overpriced model like this.

And did we have to have another linking key?

Maybe Pete Biro would be happier if people quit putting out new and original card magic and just stole other peoples routines and stuck them on a DVD called "In the Trenches by Paul Green".

Or maybe it would be better if someone with a hair cut like Ronald McDonald took a load of other peoples material and made some minor changes to some of it and then got L&L to record a four volume DVD set? They could call it "On the Loose". And to make the material look better they could get that monkey boy John pumped up on puff and coke so he leaps about and claps at the end of every trick (and often during them and in all the wrong places) and shove a token black guy in the audience whose amazed at everything no matter how bad it is? I bet there's some money in that.

MW.