The Magic Whack

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Gone and soon forgotten.

Friday, June 24, 2005

I Magician

I occasionally check out Andster's blog at For those that don't know him he's the guy that plastered the magic mafia blog with pictures of cocks and hard core porn right before it got shut down (although I doubt the two incidents are linked).

Anyway, his blog which is titled 'I Magician' on rare occasions mentions magic and the rest of the time talks about his attempts at getting pussy.

In his most recent post he finishes with...

So in short, I haven’t blown off Sherry. I think she’s blown me off.

It just annoys me that he didn't give us the gory details about when she blew him off - did she spit, swallow or gargle?


Thursday, June 23, 2005

MagicWhack backs the Bish

OK, here's a first. I am backing the bish of magic Glen "fuck me I'm a hot son of a bitch and praise jesssssussssss" Bishop on this one.

The Bingaling of magic (Euan Bingbong) has finally lost his marbles and has nothing to say so he keeps bashing the same people over and over for no good reason.

So what if the Bish wants to offer a prize and run a contest? Whether his prize is worth a shit is not relevant really - why critize the guy for offering a contest? He's not even the one that decides the winner.

Here is my impression of Mr Euan Bungit.."Look at Glenn Bishop...that horrid little man is wearing white after labor pathetic..and look at how he combs his heavens...heres another poem."

And can anyone make any sense of that post where he mentions Peter Kane at the end? Is Bingalong doing heavy drugs?


The Magic Castle is fucked.

Read this and you will see that the magic castle is fucked...;f=10;t=001631;p=1#000018

I think it's a good thing, its just a hyped up place that elitest fucks show up at. Good riddence to the sucky fuckfest I say.

On a serious note, MagicWhack is in difficulty, I am asking all readers to send me $250 to keep this blog going.


Been to MagicRants Lately?

I went to Magicrants blog today. It's still gay shit.

Just thought I'd let you know to save you the bother.


Wednesday, June 22, 2005

The Cups and Balls.

The cups and balls is considered old for a reason - it is.

Sadly 99% of magicians who try to perform it make it a dull, uninteresting, boring piece of trash although they may well own a really nice set of brass cups that cost hundreds of dollars and a nice hand turned walnut wand.

For most magi it seems that having a decent set of cups is a 'my dick is bigger than yours' contest, just go read the forums and watch the pathetic little shits bang on about how they've got a set of Paul Fox cups or a set of Porper (expensive and shit) cups. Most of those posts might as well just say "I got a tiny penis, but at least I wasted $500 on cups".

I don't care if your cups cost $5,000 - if you're fucking shit at the trick - don't do it. If the routine you do is the normal fucking about with 3 balls and then making some big shit come out at the end - guess what? Your audience already know whats going to happen - there is no surprise and that makes it fucking pointless.

Even Elmsley couldn't come up with a routine worth a shit that hadn't been done before. Vernon did OK, at least he fooled people with the explanation of a false transfer and then bamming a big ass ball under the cup, but guys... it's been done. It was good in the day Vernon did it because it hadn't been done that way by gazillions of people before him, but now it's been done, re-done, over done and done over - and it's not fucking entertaining anymore.

If you perform cups and balls and your audience applauds they are probably just being polite.

It's a good thing to learn to do, it's just not a great piece of performance magic. It will teach you all the basics of sleight of hand and misdirection and timing - but it will bore an audience to death because they seen it done before and they know the end before you get to it.

There's a tiny handful of magicians who have got close to having something that an audience really likes to watch and really gets fooled by when it comes to cups and balls. Everyone else sucks big fuzzy cock.

Here's some examples of GOOD cups and balls;

1) David Williamson - 2 cups, a few quick moves and tip a bag of lemons all over the place, pick up a spectator and helecopter spin them.

2) Johnny Thompson. But the routine is more about entertaining by doing impressions than fooling people with magic but it kinda counts.

3) David Regal - it's gaffed to hell and back, but its a great little story and he doesn't go on too long, it gets to the climax quickly and spurts the audience with globs of man splat.

There are probably some other good examples but they are few and far between. On the most part magicians settle for crochet balls and the same old routine and a few bits of fruit to finish and they make an excuse for it being fucking shitty arse wipe material by saying "yeah but it's a classic and these are expensive cups". Funny how classics are allowed to be un-entertaining, unoriginal drivel and magicians expect their audiences to tolerate it for those reasons - is it any wonder many laypeople claim to dislike magicians?


Saturday, June 18, 2005

The future of magic...

According to his web site "The future of magic is in his hands".

Based on the pictures he proudly displays on his site I'd say "the future of gays seeking pictures of boys to jack off too is in his hands".

But seriously... if he's the future of magic we're all fucked.


Keep it real.

What get's me about the whole vanishing Magic Square blog is that the writer 'katterflamingo' or whatever his name was made two posts just one month ago that stressed the importance of voices like his, and how he wasn't happy about a fellow blogger shutting shop...

Here is what he said about Magic Mafia's blog closing down (thanks to google cache)...

MM and I are as far apart on the political spectrum as possible, but I have always respected his writing as honest and heartfelt, even as I've disagreed with some of it. I hope he rethinks his decision to quit. We need dissenting voices. Not a one of us is always right. In any event, MM, you were a delight to read. I wish you success in whatever your next venture will be.

Just a few days before he raved about how he'd managed to keep the blog going for one year and how it was the blogs anniversary, etc.

And yet regardless of his sense of achievement, or his disapproval of the vanishing of MM, it took only a couple of anonymous bloggers to make the odd fat joke (not even directed at him) and he pulled the plug and ran off whimpering.

If you write anything on the internet that gets read, you run the risk of someone picking on you. That applies whether you post on a forum like Magic Cafe, an Amazon store like Genii or you write a blog.

But after taking all of this into consideration; someone called Danny called me an asshole in a comment to one of the blog posts here. As a result I have developed clinical depression, gone totally crazy and now have no choice but to close this blog and delete it. Ohhh wait, my mistake, I have self esteem, a life outside of "blog-land" and a good woman who services my magic wand - I can handle the insult.


Friday, June 17, 2005

MagicWhack claims another victim.

Looks like Katterfelto of the magicsquare blog couldn't take the truth. After the post I made yesterday he deleted his blog.

You can still read most of the posts where he lost the plot thanks to googles cache

When you're done why not click here to email him and tell him what a fuckwitt he is?


Thursday, June 16, 2005

You don't have to be a tub of whale blubber to be insecure and take things out of context... but it helps.

I didn't respond to this right away because frankly I didn't want to get into another slanging match with another prick so soon after the whole silly bam bam crisswell stuff. So I've left it a couple of weeks which will also hopefully have given time for the individual concerned to get over the huge trauma and now he won't read this and slit his wrists and I won't have to have the death of a fellow magician on my conscience.

I am talking about a couple of posts made by katterfatto on the magicsquare blog.

Here's the first one where he needs to take a break because someone on earth once made a fat joke and Zach Allen didn't send his order out.

Here's the second one where he claims that I hate all fat people and say that they shouldn't be allowed to do magic.

And here's the third one where he proves he's lost the plot.

Now it seems that his biggest beef with me is that I made two posts which he claims prove that I am sending a clear message. In fact I'll quote old tubs himself...

Look at two of Magic Whack's recent posts - the message is clear. It's not ok to look different. Specifically, it's ok to laugh at and dismiss people who are overweight.
One post was a picture of some guy selling a 'will do tricks for food' poster/gag and let's face it, he's dressed scruffy, looks like he sleeps on the streets and gets butt fucked by big black dudes with aids for cash - and that's how he chose to appear in the photo. I found it amusing and posted it with the words 'no shit' underneath and no further comment. I did not post "Look at this fat fucker". I didn't even think it was a big deal that the guy is a little overweight.

The other post was about a magician who wanted to levitate his fat wife. Now this I stand by. Go read the post and you'll see that I said...

Most guys who go to illusion shows or take their familes to illusion shows don't go for the illusion (unless you're a geeky magician). They go to see semi-naked babes strutting their stuff, and contorting themselves into boxes. And while their wives and children applaud the magic they are spanking their monkey while they imagine how useful that pose she just did would be in the bedroom.

I've seen illusion acts where the assistants have been porkers and it's just sad to watch a chair levitation struggle under the strain. If you choose to be a dancer or magicians assistant - there is a certain level of physical fitness and attractivness you need to meet. That's just the way it is. It's the same with lots of jobs. Why are none of the supermodels fat and ugly? Because if they were they wouldn't find work. Why do the best porn stars have big tits? Because they sell DVD's and look better bouncing on a 12 inch cock.

I know lots of fat magicians and a lot more that are ugly fuckers. Some are both. It doesn't mean they can't do good magic. And to twist what I said to make it fit that means you have to be pretty insecure and parnoid. So Katterflappo or whatever your name is - lay off the blow dude, the paranoia is kicking in and its obviously a bad thing for someone who is overweight to get the munchies after a good session of puffing the magic dragon.

By all means disagree with me, but for fuck sake don't take what I say out of context and make me out to be your reason for wanting to quit magic. If you're not happy about being fat - do something about it or learn to be happy with yourself.


Saturday, June 11, 2005

Sunshine Boys Lecture by Becker and Earle

Have you seen that Lee Earle and Larry Becker have a new DVD out?

If you got $35 to waste I can think of better things to spend it on than a DVD featuring a has-been mentalist and a tranny.

The dealer copy says...

Entertaining Mentalism for Real-World Performances - This DVD includes six entertaining routines with detailed explanations presented for a live audience from two camera views! Also included are hilarious out-takes, and extra free performance material in PDF format.

Hilarious outtakes - yeah where Lee accidentally flashes his bra strap and Becker screws up and does something that isn't dull as fuck. I gotta have it.


Friday, June 10, 2005

Andrew Mayne Illusion Show.

I thought I'd found a venue where Andrew Mayne was doing his illusion show. I took my seat but it turned out I was sat around the back of Walmart looking into their dumpsters.


Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Impressions of other bloggers #374 - Magic Enigma.

Boycott the magic cafe, their advertisers will die and go bankrupt, no wait I am kidding, or am I?


Impressions of other bloggers #333 - Magic BY Enigma


Oh someone hacked my blog. It's ok it's easy to get back. But I won't get it back. I am a dip shit.


Impressions of other bloggers #314 - Pagliacci.

Magic is crap. here's some titties.



Impressions of other bloggers #766 - FooCan

Now posting once a month.

Harry Lorrayne is an old cunt. Buy Andys and Ryans books please. Issue 5 is coming really it is.


Impressions of other bloggers #431 - magicden

That Steve Youell's a right prick
He really makes me sick
If you subscribe to his site you're thick.
Cogitations doesn't rhyme with dick.


Impressions of other bloggers #499 Magicrants.

Cups and balls in the best trick ever. I have a nice cup, it is made of metal, aluminium to be exact and I use red crochet balls. I suck the cock of most of the male staff at L&L publishing.

I don't read anonymous blogs ever, really I don't - although I tend to be able to magically comment on them and even quote them verbatim.

I haven't written anything worth reading in months.

I should change the name of my blog from magicrants to MagicLiar.


Impressions of other bloggers #22 - Fearson/Messiah Blog.

Wibble bibble Jeeeesus, devil, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. flummmmmpy tummmbly bingggggy bong dody woddy chupper knump.

mirror in a box floaty jesus, end of the world, aaaarrghhhh amaageddon and remote viewing and $30 please.

yiggy niggy noooo. fingers on your eye lids and run, i vanished, how about that, bow to me i am god, tibby tooooonuts.


Friday, June 03, 2005

Pete McCabe can't do magic.

Get out your old Genii magazines and a couple years ago you'll see that Pete McCabe contributed a new version of Marlo's Estimation Aces.

It was a deck full of aces so you couldn't miss. What's the fucking point of that? Only a fumble fingered cunt could miss cutting to the aces in esitimation aces, it's not that hard. But ohh noo, that's too tricky for Uncle Pete so he comes up with the amazing idea of using a deck that's gaffed. That's not a contribution to magic - that's spitting on Marlo's grave and pissing on his headstone.

What reminded me of that travesty was a thread on the Amazon magic talk board Genii Forum about the 'homing card' and it turns out that Mr Mcgoo McCabe has contributed another winner to the world of magic - a version of homing card (card to pocket) that uses... NO PALMING.

He removes the very core of the trick and shits on it just to make it so he can do it. The original was structured so as to perfectly cover the palm and allow for a magical repeat, but Pete couldnt stand that, if he had to palm a card he may actually have to put some effort into his magic.

What's next from this genius of magic? Out of this world where all the cards are red and you just hope the audience doesn't notice the lack of black cards when you flip over the piles? Or three card monte where you just use three spot cards and just claim there is a queen so you don't have to learn any of those tricky tossing moves?

Maybe we'll get the McCabe vanishing candle to replace the Fantasio models - Method: Attach elastic to the end of a real candle and allow it to shoot up your sleeve...its much easier than plaming the inch long fantasio model.

I am all for simplifying a trick but when you rip out the core of it, butt fuck it and shit it out in Genii you really aren't doing the magic community any favors.


Penguin have to resort to giving this shit away...

Penguin have just sent an email to their customers (thanks to John for forwarding this to me)...

It's weekend bonus time at Penguin! Now thru Monday, June 6th, we're throwing in a FREE "Ultimate Coin in the Balloon" DVD (a $ 30 value) with all orders over $59!

So Penguin are having to GIVE AWAY Micky Bairefoot's DVD because it's that fucking bad no one is buying them.

That is the only conclusion you can draw - if they were offering a free gift to encourage orders they'd offer something that people actually want.

So it looks like my critics were wrong - I was able to make an accurate judgement based on only seeing the demo.