The Magic Whack

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Boycott of Cafe Advertisers?

Magic Enigma is saying there should be a boycott of Magic Cafe Advertisers.

I think the feeling is that Brooks is an evil fucker who deletes posts and rules with an iron fist and blah, blah, blah, blah.

I don't like the cafe much, although it's a great source of entertainment. Where else can you see grown men say such stupid things? If nothing else it's a great source of material for us bloggers.

The big problem is that people think everything on the Internet should be free and that the Internet is where we can truely have free speech.

I think what we have to accept is that the Magic Cafe is a business. It costs money to run and no one would do it for the love of it. So they put ads on it and turn a profit. That's life.

As a business it has people in charge who make choices about how the place is run. Because Mr Brooks pays for it he can choose how to run it. As I said I don't like it - which is why I don't post there, I just read the dumb shit.

Advertisers will go where there are page views. And also bear in mind that a lot of the cafe members are dipshits who are quite happy with how it's run.

If you don't like the magic cafe - just boycott it. Don't go there, don't post, don't give it any page-views. And if enough people agree with you it will dwindle to nothing like so many other magic forums and the advertisers will pull out anyway. There are other magic forums you can join.

I for one like the cafe being there. It keeps most of the stupid shits in one place and gives me a lot to laugh at and pick on.


Saturday, May 28, 2005

Brooks seeks legal advice.

Apparently Steve Brooks at the magic cafe is seeking legal advice after a recent attack on his site where some guys all posted about him being;

a) A cock sucker
b) A bitch
c) Fat

However Mr Brooks won't be taking legal action as he has been advised that in order for something to be considered slanderous it cannot be a true statement.


Bam Bam wanna talk

I fired up Yahoo Messenger the other day, for the first time in ages - I don't generally use it.

To my surprise there was a request for me to add Enigma/Bam Bam/Chastan/Huckhound to my list and he said "dude lets talk".

Sadly I had to decline because I only have magicians on my Yahoo list.


Friday, May 27, 2005

Levitate a chubby.

I love this post on the cafe...

In short the guy is saying "I don't have a female assistant so I am using my wife, she's a fat ass and will bend any levitation frame/harness system known to man. Where can I get a super strength X frame from?"

Think of your audience man - who really wants to see a chubby chops flopping all over the stage?

Most guys who go to illusion shows or take their familes to illusion shows don't go for the illusion (unless you're a geeky magician). They go to see semi-naked babes strutting their stuff, and contorting themselves into boxes. And while their wives and children applaud the magic they are spanking their monkey while they imagine how useful that pose she just did would be in the bedroom.

On a serious note, I'd suggest to 'MagicalPirate' who asked the question that he shouldn't bother with a levitation but follow the other chain of thought he mentions in that post...

anyone can make a skinny girl disappear (just stand her sideways) or make her disembodied. But a big girl, now thats quite something that will get a lot of attention.

Yeah it will get attention. People love a laugh. But if you must do this then I believe if you ask around someone can point you in the right direction of the people who build those elephant vanishes.


Monday, May 23, 2005

Tom Vorjohan.

No shit.


Saturday, May 21, 2005

Am I back?

Fucking looks like it.

I never planned to quit. Me saying I was quitting and not meaning it was just me being an MCJ clone. Hahahahahahaha. I make myself laugh so hard sometimes, owch, stopit.

Anyways - I don't plan on going anywhere.

Back to some more 'normal whack style posts' next week.


Bairefoot DVD - a follow up.

I posted recently about the Micky Bairefoot coin in balloon DVD that Penguin have for sale. I'd made a number of points based on nothing more than seeing the demo video.

This weekend someone lent me the DVD.

I feel I owe everyone an apology because I made it sound really bad.

The truth is - it's a lot fucking worse that I'd been able to guess from the demo.


Thursday, May 19, 2005

Almost a week and no new posts?

Yeah well if everyone really believes I am a mcj clone what's the fuckin point?

I can't go on. I quit.


Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Jay Marshall.

I just heard about Jay Marshall passing away. That is a real loss to the world of magic.

Even more tragic is that I understand his sidekick 'Lefty' has also died. A double blow to the magic community.


Automark banned from cafe

At last - a cafe ban I agree with.

Automark, who is Chastain, who is BAM the blogger, who is Enigma has been banned because he was using a fake id to promote his own products on the cafe. I'll settle for that since 'putting out a shit trick' isn't grounds for a ban.

Well done to MagicianX for initally suggesting the link between the two. I'm glad I dug deeper and now he's been found out.

Notice on his last few cafe posts he tries to pretend to not be Chastain? Exactly what BAM is doing on his poor attempt at a blog. Give it up Mr C - you're still not fooling anyone!

The demo of Deface is still available to view if you want to laugh your ass off. It's here.


Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Good News Indeed

I made my last blog at 8:57am. At just after 9am, Mr BAM BAM decided this...

I am back on track, recent posts and remarks have gotten me back
where I started. For nwo I am bored with Whack-O. So I leave him to his own
games, now I will be reviewing other blah's in the next day or two.

In other words he's running away just like Steve Pellegrino, Dwayne Andres, and Steven Youell. What am I on now guys? 4 - 0?

The Whackster claims another victim.


All you BAM lovers - praise JeeeeezzzzAaaSSsss

The BAM boy has posted again. Don't all rush to go read it, it makes little sense. I think he's trying reverse psychology by saying "ohh I have been busted they think its me and it is, but it isn't, yarrrdy darrr". Sadly he's thicker than peter norths cock and the whole thing makes little sense.

I have had some email though and so rather than answer you individually, which I rarely do, here's my reply to BAM BAM's earlier post...

So let's take it apart shall we?

Not only is this guy a MCJ wannabe but he suffers from the same ridiculous moral fiber in which MCJ is made. I also have to give MCJ some credit... he appears to have bought the product or at least obtained a legal copy of the magic he reviews. Magic Whack has no clue, he watches demo videos of stuff and then tried to reverse engineer it and then makes claims to how the tricks suck. Never have I seen him give a positive review.

Magic demo's are there for us to see how good (or bad) and effect is. In all of the ones I've pulled apart, it's not been necessary to waste cash on the actual product to know that it's shit. Deface for example is so obvious and as one cafe member noted it wouldn't fool his dog.

I don't have to try to reverse engineer stuff - its OBVIOUS how it works and over an above the method - I am commenting on the overall effect (or often the lack of one).

People make up their own minds about what to buy, and I don't pretend to have bought a product if I haven't. So when magicians read my comments they know I am basing my views on a demo and nothing more.

As for not giving a postive review, I don't need to - go read Genii or Magic for those.

At least MCJ at times likes some of the things he “BUYS.” I have found if I buy something I tend to respect it a little more. Kind of reminds me of the kid who was raised in a rich family as opposed to a poor family. He cares nothing for his gifts or objects he possesses but the poor kid wish he had it.

I guess you've lucked out and mainly bought good things then. I don't think paying for Deface would make anyone respect it more - it would just piss them off. Which kind of reminds me of the parable of the boy who had $10 to spend and he bought deface because although it looked like a piece of shit he was convinced he could make something of it and that buying it would give him the respect for it he so badly needed. The package came in the mail and he opened it and followed the instructions, he showed his friends and each of them said it was the lamest piece of smelly shit they had ever seen. He played with it some more, experiemented with the handling and fine tuned it and then showed his friends once more. Again they mocked him and said 'that trick smells worse than Burgers cock after it's been up a mans ass all night. Finally the boy took it to a wise old magician, who gave the kid some well known advice... he said "sonny, you cannot polish a turd".

Let’s start with the top post. Defaced by Chastain Criswell – he totally rips this thing a new one. I have seen the video and I think it is a decent effect, however I can agree with whack on one thing, the method he gives appears to be on the head. Does that make it bad? Does that warrant a massive amount of vulgar language and off colored comments about the guy who invented it?

Let's see - does the fact the method smells and the effect is garbage warrant me saying so? Yes.

Does it warrant me saying vulgar things about it's creator - maybe not, but fuck it's fun.

I personally own TAG by Chastain Criswell but I have yet to get Deface, and I would say it is one of the best effects I bought in years! (How many years you ask?) I would say around 30 give or take a few.

What a coincidence.

As stated above, who knows this guys situation? How do we know he doesn’t need
this to live? Who knows how much it cost him to make the tricks or how much he
makes off of it?

Here's a tip BAM BAM - if you want to make money selling tricks to magicians - make them good ones. I don't give a flying fuck what they cost you to make - they are shit. I don't care if you don't sell any because their shit and you starve on the streets and have to resort to giving blow jobs to bikers to make a couple bucks for food.

Also this guy makes statements about how “One” line of the effect is written and all through his post he totally misspelled lying. (Lieing)

OHHHHH FUCK. Put me in the electric chair and fry my ass, I spelled a word wrong. That proves all that I say is not worth believing. Look - if you are going to write ad copy, you owe it to yourself and your customers to PROOF read it and not be lazy. I don't get paid for writing this shit, I don't give a crap if it's lying, lieing, laying or lion.

But, that is not all; he ripped apost on a FORUM for MAGICIANS because he didn’t like the content? Due stop reading it and give it no more thought. This was a moment in person life that he holds fond and wanted to share and you then turn around and become judge of who should post and what they should post?

Yeah get over it fuck face.

Dude, you have not a clue as to what makes a good post or what makes magic, magic so you should pack your bags and move to the country and slop pigs for the rest of your life! YOU HAVE NO CLUE! Can I say it again or do you get it now?

And that's where you're wrong. Seems most magicians agree with me that Deface is shit. I think you are the one with NO CLUE as to what is magic - let's face it, you think Deface is a trick.

Then he proceeds to review aDVD he does not even own, AGAIN! Now I watched the Demo video and I should say by all accounts it appears he is correct in what is contained in the DVD. However does he know for sure? I mean a card trick is a card trick, a rope trick is a rope trick, a classic force is a classic force but many people have videos and books and packaged effects out that use these same principles. I don’t know how accurate naming a classic force after yourself, but who knows what he has done with it? Mark Mason does a classic force with a different “move”and I
believe he renamed it. HOW MANY PASSES ARE THEIR? And the rope trick was not even long enough for him to assume, the card trick that appears to be immaculate Connection by Paul Harris may just be that but can you honestly say?

How do I know for sure - because it's fucking obvious you dumb prick. And to say "a card trick is a card trick" is stupid too. From your attitude it's ok to steal other peoples tricks and call them your own on the basis that 'a trick is a trick'? I am puzzled over what you mean.

I believe Mark Mason has the 'Attitude force' and it's quite different from a classic force. If you watch the demo of it (real world magic DVD) - its obvious what the difference is. It's also fairly apparent how the force works, but I got to say it looks good (there you go a positive review).

There's a difference between a trick using a principle and a trick being THE SAME as another trick. One is using a move, the other is stealing.

The rest of that paragraph is just a dick clutching at straws and it's not worth the key strokes to reply.

So BAM BAM/Chastain/Automark/Enigma/etc - you can say over and over that I don't have a clue what makes good magic - I think its obvious that I do. I also think its apparent that you don't and that you haven't really studied magic before you began dumping stuff out into the magic marketplace.

Ohh one more thing - I loved this comment in BAM BAM's blog...
Maybe these guys should try accepting Jesus and his teachings into their daily lives. Who knows maybe they have and have only forgotten what Christianity is about?
Fucking hilarious.


More on Chastain Criswell, MagicbyEnigma, Automark and all his other alter egos...

Thanks to one of my fave bloggers Magicianx for this post about 'Automark' on the magic cafe.

Mr X has pointed out a string of coincidences about the character, particularly that he likes everything Chastain Criswell has ever put out. So I dug a bit further and looked up EVERY post that Automark has made on the cafe in the six months.

Thirty Seven posts all told, and how many of them are about how good Chastain or one of his tricks is? THIRTY FUCKING TWO!

Also Automark seems to write in the same style as the BAM blogger.

So Mr C, not only are you not fooling anyone with that joker face shit, you're not fooling them with your multitude of web characters all plugging you and your products either.


Monday, May 09, 2005

New blog I'm not adding to the blogroll.

I won't be adding this blog to the blogroll, but I will give it a shout. I found it by checking the profile of someone who commented a couple of times to my post about 'deface'. He's the only person to have commented who LIKES the trick - so he's obviously stupid...

It's called the BAM blog and it's written by someone anonymous called Chastain Crisswell.

Interesting how he slams me the same day as I post about his latest trick (if you can call it a trick). Anyway his blog makes a string of totally invalid and null points - good job Mr C.

I'll give you all time to check out this amazing new blog, and I'll comment more on this bumblebees rantings in the next day or two. That's of course if his blog doesn't vanish or change real suddenly.


One for double the money.

Bill Goldman is a fucking rip-off king. When he sold 'One for the money' as a manuscript it wasn't worth $10. Now the old fuck has put it on DVD and has doubled the price.

Let's sum up what you are going to get for £20.

Here's the trick:

1) Spectator deals cards from a face down deck into a face up pile on the table, you note the 2nd card dealt and walk away and jack yourself off.

2) Spectator stops dealing, discards the portion of the deck they are holding and pick up the tabled cards. They bury top and bottom card and take new top card as their selection, which is obviously the one you noted and the spectator thinks "holy fuck this is shit".

3) They bury their 'selection' and shuffle the living fuck out of the deck, they hand it to you, you look through and cut their card back to the top.

4) Ask them for a number from 1-52, deal that many onto the table.

5) Pick up the tabled cards and peek at top card. Replace the top card, pick up all the cards except the bottom card with right hand and table them, at the same time lift selection to your face with left hand and smile like a cheap porn star taking a face full of spooge.

It's the sort of trick you might feel was worthy of appearing in genii or magic magazine, but to put this one trick on a dvd is a total rip-off.


Friday, May 06, 2005

Hanks Hot list

Is it just me that thinks Hank Lee should rename his 'Hot List' to "The ROT List"?


Michael Bairefoot - fuckwitt.

Michael Bairefoot is dumber than I thought. In a recent post I referred to the demo clip I'd watched on Penguin Magic. All the way through that post I said "from the demo this looks like..."

So why did cuntface send this email?

Date: Thu, 5 May 2005 00:13:19 EDT
Subject: Bairefoot

Thanks for buying my DVD.

Michael Bairefoot

Do I really come across as the kind of fuckwitt who would waste real cash on a shitty dvd like yours Michael? On the most part I wouldn't need it since I learnt most of those tricks from the originators that you stole from. Not once in my post did I say I had bought it - learn to read you thick fuck.


Blogroll updates.

I've finally removed magicrants from the blogroll. Not because of any past issues, but just because he's not made a point worth reading in a month and is basically a boring shit whose weak views are about as relevant as an average post on the magic cafe.

I've added 'HeadPointer' - he's new, but so far he's made some good posts.

I've also moved MagicianX to the top of the list - just because he's my favorite, the rest aren't in any specific order.


Thursday, May 05, 2005

Deface value of this is fuck all.

I was scrolling through at the page where they list the top ten sellers. I usually use it as a guide of what's really poor in magic and it's usually a good measuring stick.

On that list I noticed a new trick from Chastain Criswell - remember him? He's the one who wears a suit that looks like a bean bag from the household store of no taste.

The trick is called "Deface" and those lieing fucks at claim;

"Deface had an explosive launch. Chastain's last trick, Tag, was also a big hit right off the bat. You'll actually perform Deface - it's practical. Steve Beam and Dan Harlan have raved about Deface by Chastain Criswell."

I say they're lieing fucks because claiming that you'll actually perform this piece of garbage is a claim I don't think anyone can really back up.

It doesn't surprise me that Steve Beam and Dan Harlan loved it, if you've read Beams tricks in the semi automatic books and watched Harlan perform on those 'Packs small plays shit" DVD's from L&L then you'll know that neither of them would know a good trick if it gave them a free blow job.

Now before you go any further, I think you should check out the demo video for yourselves...

Here's what the ridiculous ad copy says...

From the creator of this years bigest hit, TAG!
This is destined to be one of card magic’s newest and most incredible illusions. This trick is one you will perform; and leave the spectator with their jaws on the floor.

OK, so right off the bat a string of bullshit. Was TAG really this years biggest hit? Is it really an 'incredible illusion' or is it a waxy gimmick being slid across a specially printed joker?

I am also puzzled by the language here. It will the leave the SPECTATOR (singular) with their jaws (plural) on the floor. It's a micro illusion, you couldn't perform it for more than one person at a time anyway, so I assume its one person with two jaws.

Effect: A joker is removed from the deck and shown; the magician then proceeds to do the impossible. With only the tip of the magician’s finger the face of the joker is moved to the side of the card, removed from the card, and replaced. However as an after thought the magician decides this is not enough, so to leave the spectator in awe the face is moved once again. Not only did you move and remove the face of a "BICYCLE” joker but you leave the card in a way no one can deny could only be done by “Magic!”

OK.. now let's look at what really happens. If you watched the same demo as me... you push a cut out bit of a jokers face thats stuck on with wax across a card that's printed with the face of the joker missing. You fumble around like a klutz and show you moved it and then fumble a lot to go back. Then you steal the piece away and lift up your other thumb thats covered the extra printed face of the joker that's in the wrong place. The spectator's figure it out in an instant because the effect is the same as the method.

You'll recieve...
• Ten specialty printed gimmicked cards!
• Two regular Jokers.
• Instructions packed with ideas, routines, original impromptu version, three different handlings of the effect, and the building blocks to what will be the next hottest effect in magic!

TEN specially printed gimmicked cards? I don't know why they are giving you ten - no one will want to perform this more than once.
TWO regular jokers - yeah baby, count them! TWO! What value.
Instructions packed with ideas - yeah like "don't do this shit in public".

Here's a little tip if you're a magician wanting to put out an effect. Get some decent magician friends first and show it to them. If they know anything about magic and your trick is this fucking dire, they'll tell you and save you the embarassment of putting it out.

Also, how far up his own ass is this guy? He's put out one trick before which by all accounts wasn't bad. Now he thinks he's Vernon making claims like 'the building blocks of what will be the next hottest effect in magic' and 'destined to be one of card magics newest and most incredible illusions'.


Monday, May 02, 2005

The amusing stories that are told while they wait for Jay to snuff it...

On Genii forum there's a post all about Jay Marshall and how he's in hospital and he might not make it, but then he might and all that jazz. I love Jay Marshall and I hope he's OK, but the meaningless banter that's going on while we wait to hear is just shit.

Here's the thread on Genii

Check out the post by Scott Forman who tells us what I think is meant to be a funny story...

funny story about jay flipping the bird to the nurse...she must not have been a cutie.....last summer....(listen pete biro) i went to the dream cruise in detroit....its 10th anniversary..and my mom was dying in the hospital in royal oak michigan....and my mom was a tennis fanatic she played everywhere....we lived in england and she always got tickets to wimbledon...but mom was watching the hospital tv...and the tennis was on...i are these women? and she goes...thats maurislova or someone...and she yells...."shes a dike" in front of this male nurse...and i said Ma....shhhhhhh i think hes gay.....and the guy turns around and says he has to call his wife....

How does that relate to anything mentioned and how its supposed to be funny? All it just shows is that his mom was a stupid biggoted bitch.

The punch line is basically "I called a man gay and he went to call his wife. baaa booom, thank you I'll be here all week". And the overall story is "My mom was dying and she started hating fags." Well thanks for sharing Scott.

Pete Biro saves the day though by making the post hilarious when he comes back with this classic comedy reply; "He called his wife and when he answered?" - "wakka wakka, you've been great..tip your waitress, goodnight!"

And really - I don't care that his mom died. What magic did she ever do?


New Look Genii Forum

Click on the picture for a better look, its a large image - but it's worth it.